Since August 23, 2012, URBMN has run an IndieGoGo campaign.  The object of this campaign is to obtain travel funds for the 2012 Ottawa International Animation Festival and Television Animation Conference, and the 2012 DGC Awards.  The goal is $500, though I originally wanted the goal to be $300.  IndieGoGo doesn’t allow sub-$500 campaigns.

The reason I mount this campaign for URBMN is simple: the site is caught in a catch-22.  If I want to get URBMN’s name out there, I need to go to a few industry functions.  These things are sometimes expensive to attend, even with the media accreditation.  I live between Ottawa and Toronto, which is not the best place to run a media-centric blog.

The campaign’s modest by design – I actually think $500 is excessive, for a travel fund.  If the URBMN campaign can reach or surpass $500, that would be great.

Full details are here:
The URBMN 2012 Travel Fund

There’s a history behind me, and the Ottawa International Animation Festival.  In 2010, URBMN was given media accreditation, which was later revoked.  In 2011, URBMN was officially given media accreditation around September 12, 2011 – which was five days after URBMN attended the 2011 Gemini Awards, and too late for me to build a travel plan around the festival.  If all goes well, 2012 will be the first time URBMN attends OIAF and TAC.

Here are the schedules for the Ottawa International Animation Festival, and the Television Animation Conference.  I’ll have a better idea of which panels/industry gatherings URBMN will frequent, within a week or so.

This IndieGoGo campaign is almost a week old, though I haven’t mentioned it on URBMN until now.  This fund is to make up whatever deficits accrue from attending both industry functions, OIAF/TAC 2012 in particular.  The deadline is October 1, 2012.

Keep in mind, this IndieGoGo campaign isn’t about me going to parties.  It’s about reviving URBMN after a year of inactivity.  I want to see who actually frequents this site, and who respects my work enough to support it monetarily.  At the end of the day, I do URBMN to cover stories that aren’t featured on other Canadian television and entertainment blogs.  I want to keep doing that.

“The Cries of the Trees” (ABC/Global: September 7, 1985) is Star Wars: Ewoks‘ debut episode, and the debut of a short-lived, hour-long, 9:00 AM block on ABC.  Ewoks and Star Wars: Droids (ABC/Global, 1985-86) should have blown their direct competitors, Jim Henson’s Muppet Babies (CBS, 1984-91) and The Smurfs (NBC, 1981-90), out of the water.  It was the battle of merchandising bonanzas – Star Wars vs. the Smurfs vs. the Muppets.

“The Cries of the Trees” is essentially a boy-cries-wolf tale – Wicket (Jim Henshaw), Paploo (Paul Chato), and Teebo (Eric Peterson) play the forbidden game of “drop the sack,” lie about it, and are soon punished even when they’re not lying.  ”Drop the sack,” for those wondering, is a game where Ewoks sit or stand on a high tree branch.  There, the Ewoks throw bags of mud at someone moving a target.  Why this is a “forbidden” game isn’t explained, beyond Paploo complaining about the game’s danger.  The game’s just there to set a subplot in motion.

Morag, the Tulgah witch (Jackie Burroughs), is one of the main villains in Ewoks‘ first season, and the most competent.  Morag curses Queen Izrina, one of the Firefolk.  Izrina begins to burn the forest, infecting her fellow Firefolk with Izrina’s curse.  Morag intends to destroy the Ewoks’ Soul Trees.  This is important, as destroying an Ewok’s Soul Tree destroys an Ewok’s will to live.

Another subplot concerns Ewok shaman Logray (Doug Chamberlain) and Chief Chirpa (George Buza), as they create a “magic foam” to douse forest fires.  Without giving too much away, the “magic foam” and “drop the sack” form two important parts of the show’s dramatic climax.  It helps that the episode is written by Paul Dini, who was later instrumental in developing the DC Animated Universe.

I can tell Dini wrote “The Cries of the Trees.”  The main villain is appropriately evil.  Umwak (Don Francks) is the bumbling henchman, though his schtick doesn’t grate as it did in “The Tree of Light.”  Despite the basic storytelling nature of Ewoks, Dini establishes the Ewoks’ world fairly well, writing Wicket and his friends as proper children.

As this is Ewoks’ first episode, Nelvana’s animation on “The Cries of the Trees” is of better quality than “The Tree of Light.”  It’s not film quality, but it has George Lucas’ name (and, I assume, money) behind it, so “The Cries of the Trees” blows most Saturday morning cartoons of the mid-1980s out of the water.  Even when Nelvana had to patch up a business plan after the failure of the 1983 film, Rock & Rule, the studio’s television work was relatively high-end, compared to Hanna-Barbera, Marvel Productions, Filmation, and Ruby-Spears.

Sadly, Ewoks was never anything more than a brand extension.  On paper, Ewoks and Droids looked appealing to ABC.  The success of two Ewok-centric TV movies softened ABC up for an hour-long, Saturday morning adventure block.

ABC’s Star Wars block took an unholy beating from Muppet Babies and The Smurfs.  Droids moved to the rerun galaxy after thirteen episodes, and an hour-long special.  Ewoks was “overhauled” (read: dumbed down) for 1986-87, and left to die at 11:30 PM.  In the mid-1980s, The Smurfs and Muppet Babies were The Galactic Empire.

I’m not sure if the Saturday morning timeslot restricted Ewoks, if Nelvana wasn’t experienced enough to create a better show, and/or if the Ewoks were overexposed as a whole.  ”The Cries of the Trees” suggests that, with better overall control, Ewoks could have been a credible series.  Ewoks currently sits in the discard pale of Star Wars canon, earning the occasional home entertainment release, but mainly seen as a by-product of savvy marketing.

With this entry, I throw my hat back into regular URBMN content.  I will now review shows from the past, as well as the present.  Star Wars: Ewoks (ABC/Global, 1985-86; 1986 as The All New Ewoks) is as good a place to find false nostalgia as any.

“The Tree of Light” (ABC/Global: October 12, 1985) is typical Nelvana tripe from the mid-1980s.  Wicket (Jim Henshaw), Latara (Taborah Johnson), and Princess Kneesaa (Cree Summer) are excluded from an important mission on Endor’s forest moon – the Tree of Light is dying.  The chosen Ewok team needs to sprinkle fairy dust – sorry, Light Dust – on the Tree of Light, before it dies.  The Duloks – tall, ghetto, swamp versions of Ewoks – want the Tree of Light to die, so they can become more of a presence on the forest moon.

The Dulok shaman, Umwak (Don Francks), is the standard bumbling henchman to King Gorneesh (Dan Hennessey).  Umwak is assisted by his nephew (Hadley Kay), though the Duloks – being Nelvana villains – aren’t too bright as a whole.

For instance, Umwak designs a pair of “special glasses,” which are supposed to navigate a cave maze for him.  In practice, they don’t do anything.  The Ewoks, “led” by Weechee (Greg Swanson) and Paploo (Paul Chato), are hardly smarter than the Duloks.  The whole episode’s an excuse to prove Wicket, Latara, and Kneesaa’s worth, as the three abide an Idiot Plot.

Honestly, this episode can be reworked as a Care Bears Family (ABC/Global, 1986-88) episode.  Henshaw, Hennessey and Francks voiced characters in Care Bears Family.  Some of the music cues – the bumbling-henchman synth cues, in particular – have a Care Bears Family sound to them.  Both shows feature living teddy bears, fighting against enemies who want to eradicate said teddy bears.  I know Care Bears Family came a year after Ewoks, but the two shows are eerily similar.

Hell, Henshaw’s Wicket is similar to Tenderheart Bear, while Hennessey uses almost the exact same voice for Gorneesh and Brave Heart Lion.  Hennessey’s a decent voiceover actor, but Nelvana never let the man stretch in the mid-1980s.

As an aside, it’s funny how Henshaw voiced eager do-gooders in the 1980s.  He soon ditched voiceover work, and became a writer/director.  These days, Henshaw’s the resident grump of Canadian television.

Nelvana’s animation on Ewoks is serviceable – not great, but better than 1980s Saturday morning cartoon standards.  Nelvana basically did Ewoks to keep the lights on.  The best part of an Ewoks episode should not be Taj Mahal’s theme song, but that’s what happens with “The Tree of Light.”

Having not seen Ewoks in two decades, I don’t remember the show being this bad.  I’m hardly nostalgic for Star Wars, as I’ve never cared for Star Wars in any of its incarnations.  ”The Tree of Light” just reminds me too much of Care Bears Family.

“The Tree of Light” is from the first season of Ewoks, the season considered superior by Ewoks fans.  If every episode is like “The Tree of Light” – stories where Wicket and friends fix what the other Ewoks fuck up – I have to ask: what is Ewoks superior to?  Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Cartoon Network, 2008- ) has its faults – Clone Wars has never met a film it didn’t steal from – yet it’s a better Star Wars series than Ewoks.  Star Wars fans accepted whatever they were offered, in the bad old days.

You’ve doubtless noticed how I haven’t updated URBMN this year, more than seven months in.  In fact, I updated URBMN once after September 6, 2011.  That’s not right!

In the meantime, I’ve written for Canadian Screenwriter, TV, Eh?, and Canuxploitation (okay, Canuxploitation’s blog section, but that’s just splitting hairs.)  URBMN was always in the back of my mind, but the real reason I needed to update this site is simple: you can’t be invited to industry functions as media, if your site hasn’t been updated.  This makes me read like a selfish asshole, but it’s the truth.  It’s awkward at best when I represent other people.

After spending quite a few months writing for other people, and using Google+ as my sounding post for industry bunkum, I find my current strategy just doesn’t work.  At heart, I want to work in the television industry, not observe from the sidelines.  No one respects you from the sidelines.  Working in television is a dream I’ve had since I was a child, in the late 1980s.

Unfortunately, my last post was pretty much a “fuck you” to the Canadian television industry.  Fry that up with a can of hash.  You don’t want to read my complaints.  I don’t want to read my complaints.  Things won’t be what they were at URBMN…for however long the site’s name stays URBMN, anyway.

I’m still not sure what URBMN (or its successor site, if/when that becomes a reality) will be in the future.  It’s amazing that this site is still active in 2012, given that it started life as a metal music review site/proto-blog called Unbelievably Retarded.  Why I’ve wasted a whole decade on this thing, is a question I don’t want to answer.  I turned the comments off for this post, anyway.  Let’s not speculate.

All I can say is, expect changes.  I can’t give a specific date or direction – yet.  URBMN’s still here, and I haven’t forgotten about it entirely.  For some reason, sweetposer.com still gets around 50,000 visits a month.  I might as well give you readers a reason to care about what I do, again.

This is the first post I’ve written for URBMN in the past few months.  I haven’t “retired,” inasmuch as anyone retires from a self-written blog.  I’ve written a W File for Canadian Screenwriter, and a couple of pieces for Canadian Animation Resources.  Sadly, this is one of those State of the URBMN Addresses I don’t like to write.

The reason I haven’t written for URBMN in months is simple: I don’t like what I’m covering anymore.  In fact, I actively hate Canadian television right now.  Despite there being little difference between leading competitors Shaw Media, Rogers Media and Bell Media in programming strategies – heavy American prime-time influence, only as much original content as is mandated by the CRTC, reruns of said original content – the three organizations feel the need to brag about the things they’re tops in.

CTV, for instance, brags about its strong lineup and #1 status.  Citytv, for whatever reason, feels the need to mention that it’s growing faster than CTV.  Keep in mind, CTV and Citytv’s parents bought a controlling interest in Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment last week.  That’s like the Fantastic Four and Doctor Doom fighting each other, then teaming up for no reason.  At least Sun News Network is consistently against the CBC.

It’s bad enough when CTV and Global pull the “duelling media releases” schtick.  Every program service and network in Canada has the right to trumpet a victory, but the prevailing strategy for everyone besides CBC, educational stations and APTN is “load up on American shows and pit them against each other.”  That’s been the prevailing strategy for decades.  Small players, like GlassBOX Television, Stornoway Communications and Channel Zero, fight for scraps.

I understand how expensive and risky mounting a television show – even the cheapest, tawdriest, voyeuristic reality show possible – is, but cry me a river.  It’s expensive and risky anywhere.  The Canadian shows that do make it onto Canadian television are relatively few and far between, and come across as afterthoughts, unless they prove themselves in the BBM Canada ratings and/or America.

I genuinely don’t understand why, say, The Comedy Network will program Picnicface at least four times a week.  Shaw Media has a long-standing habit, inherited from the Canwest days, of airing a show across multiple cable channels.  Corus airs recent animated, direct-to-DVD films like Next Avengers: Heroes of Tomorrow on Teletoon and Teletoon Retro.

Those aren’t programming strategies.  They’re financial strategies.  They’re things companies do when they want to save as much money as possible, never mind what their viewers pay for.  I’m not entitled to anything when it comes to entertainment, yet it’s easy to spot when a channel is growing complacent.

Most of my time these past three months has been spent on Google+.  Each week, I see at least three press releases that kill my faith that Canadian television is improving.  Whether it’s Bell Media’s habit of slotting shows to meet CanCon requirements, MTV Creeps, or bouts of collusion between two or more media giants, I find something new to hate about the Canadian television industry every day.

To that end, URBMN will revert to its original purpose – as a weirdly-named, generalist blog – starting January 1, 2012.  I’ll still talk about Canadian television at times, but this site’s been semi-active for almost a year.  I don’t know what I’m going to do in the near future, but I’m not enjoying what I do right now, and it shows in my writing.  Everyone who reads me deserves better.  Stay tuned.

I will be attending the 2011 Gemini Awards broadcast gala in Toronto tomorrow.  I will do at least one special article on the 2011 Gemini Awards after September 8, much as I was active during Upfront Week earlier this year.

I will post some updates at my Twitter and/or Google+ accounts.  I likely won’t do a liveblog of the awards ceremony, given that I will actually be there.  My setup for the awards ceremony will be spartan, given that it’s the Geminis and I’m not being paid to cover them, but I will show my presence.

Expect some content on URBMN proper within this week.  Right now, I need some content.  I’m this close to telling inconsequential poems about cat penises, or whatever the prevailing meme is today.

Over at Google+, I’ve given CBC-related items some attention.  CBC has a (quite boring) 75th anniversary site.  The problem with official CBC functions like this is the sanitized history – here’s Mr. Dressup, here’s Wojeck, hello Peter Gzowski, and so on.

I hope to counteract this state of boredom.  Through the magic of flash video sites and recorded media, CBC’s true history is revealed.  It’s a history full of failed shows, forgotten culture, ignored culture (CBC has a lot of the third option), and great shows CBC did nothing with.  It’s the history CBC would rather people forget.  CBC wants people to forget.

Here are the first thirteen entries in my ongoing effort to provide a better overview of CBC’s 75th anniversary than an episode of Hangin’ In followed by an episode of The Beachcombers.  Newer Google+ compilations will be posted on URBMN every so often.  Check the URBMN Google+ page daily for new entries, as URBMN ‘Celebrates’ 75 Years of CBC!

By the way, I am not paid to endorse the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation like this.  If I was, I’d mention something about Jian Ghomeshi, then take note of a “hilarious” Ha!ifax Comedy Festival compilation.  HFC has a Gemini nomination for Best Comedy Series or Program this year, don’t you know?  It won’t win over Living in Your Car or Call Me Fitz, but I’m sure the nomination doesn’t have anything to do with CBC wresting the Gemini telecast from Shaw Media’s clammy hands.  I’m not cynical.

August 30, 2011: CBC Late Night opening
August 29, 2011: 1978 CBC promos
August 28, 2011: The CFL on CBC, 1977
August 27, 2011: 1979 CBC promos
August 26, 2011: Flappers
August 25, 2011: What It’s Like Being Alone
August 24, 2011: 1987 CBC promos
August 23, 2011: The Odyssey
August 22, 2011: Town Beat!
August 21, 2011: Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie
August 20, 2011: The S and M Comic Book
August 19, 2011: The Tea Party on Friday Night! with Ralph Benmergui
August 18, 2011: Double Up

The Drunk and on Drugs Happy Funtime Hour (Action: Pope Productions/Happy Funtime Productions, 2011) is a case study in Canadian television not meeting its potential.  Drunk and on Drugs stars actors from Trailer Park Boys, one of the rare Canadian television phenomena of the past decade.  Amy Sedaris and Jay Baruchel, two reasonably popular celebrities, appear in small roles.  In addition, Drunk and on Drugs is the late Maury Chaykin’s episodic television swan song.

Where does Shaw Media air Drunk and on Drugs, then?  The channel it was originally slotted for, Showcase?  No, Shaw Media burns it off on an obscure Showcase spinoff channel, in the middle of July, two episodes at a time.  That’s a shame, as The Drunk and on Drugs Happy Funtime Hour is the best Canadian television I’ve seen so far this summer.

Robb Wells, Mike Smith and John Paul Tremblay play themselves, as they try to figure out why they’re in random predicaments (in a trashed motel room, inside a giant wooden penis) at the beginning of each episode.  Dr. Funtime (Maury Chaykin), who may or may not be a real scientist and/or Maury Chaykin, has created a blueberry-based hallucinogen that keeps the residents of Port Cockerton in line.

Wells, Smith and Tremblay are also kept in Port Cockerton, for reasons as yet unexplained.  Meanwhile, television executive K. Money (Amy Sedaris) is pissed off, as she tries to assemble hours of show footage into something remotely coherent.  I’m not sure what any of this means, if anything.

Wells, Smith and Tremblay play multiple characters throughout the show.  In lesser hands, Drunk and on Drugs would be a vanity project in the tradition of Single White Spenny and Good Dog.  Thankfully, The Drunk and on Drugs Happy Funtime Hour is an ambitious attempt at weaving multiple narratives into a cohesive whole.  Based on the first two episodes, it actually succeeds on this level.

Even given the show’s more outlandish elements (the armless Papa Karlson’s Feetza Pizza, the DJs of all-gay radio station CGAY, the geriatric mob family, Dr. Funtime), Drunk and on Drugs is fairly tightly plotted.  If Trailer Park Boys is Danger Man/Secret Agent, The Drunk and on Drugs Happy Funtime Hour is The Prisoner.  That’s not to say Drunk and on Drugs is as good as The Prisoner, just that the two shows inhabit the same plane of weirdness.  I’m interested to see how the remainder of Drunk and on Drugs pans out.

If you’re curious, the first two episodes of The Drunk and on Drugs Happy Funtime Hour are online at drunkandondrugs.com.  The episodes aren’t viewable outside Canada, but one can get around the geoblocking.  See?  Canadian television not meeting its potential.  I hope The Comedy Network doesn’t wrap a similar geofence around Picnicface.