It’s October, and like many people, I’ve been looking for a Halloween costume online.  I stumbled across a bunch of bizarre costumes and masks that were just begging to be shown to others, the vast majority of which were knock-offs of licensed characters.

I’m not talking about simple stuff like knock-offs of the Jason mask, either.  I’m talking much more blatant and lawsuit-baiting knock-offs.  I’m not even going to bother with the Scream-baiting masks since I remember that the mask came out before the movie.  For all I know, those other masks might be alternate models from the original lineup.  They’re probably not, but I’ll play it safe for this article.

Let’s start with this “Fire Breathing Dragon” mask.  Of course, the rest of us will immediately recognize it as a somewhat altered Godzilla mask.  I’m kind of surprised the maker took this sort of risk, seeing as how Toho (the company that owns the rights to Godzilla) isn’t afraid to sue over stuff like this.  You see, it’s not unusual for a company to avoid suing a company making unlicensed products if they feel that they’d spend more than they’d get back from litigation.  Toho isn’t one of those companies.  Hell, Toho’s sued over much less.

Here’s Pin…um…Nail Head.  Right.  It’s totally not Pinhead from the Hellraiser series.  The website where I found that Pinhead picture also has a picture of another knock-off mask.  For that one, the maker figured that they could escape detection by removing the pins from the mask.  That’s right, they removed the unique feature that made Pinhead popular to begin with.  BRILLIANT!

The makers of the “Spider halfmask” would probably like you to think that said mask is an official Spider-Man product.  At least, until Marvel’s lawyers come a-callin’.

Since that Spider-Man entry is short, here’s a bizarre licensed product I found: “Morbius the Living Vampire” fangs.  Why would a company shell out the licensing fees for a reformed Spider-Man villain to sell plastic fangs that you can get for 25 cents from a vending machine?  Wouldn’t that make the fangs more expensive and make it harder to turn a profit?  Was Morbius really popular enough to be considered that much of a marketing draw?  Now if these were made recently using the Blade license, it’d be a different story.  Anyway, back to the unlicensed stuff…

“Midnight Destiny” is a very creative name for an excellent-looking Dr. Doom knock-off mask.  To be honest, I think Marvel should steal this design for Dr. Doom.  I mean, it’s not like the maker of this mask could sue or anything.

Since we’re on the subject of Marvel supervillains, I’m pretty sure that “Blood Skull” is based on The Red Skull.

It’s easy to tell how the “Dalan Dragon” mask is a knock-off.  Despite it obviously being the monster from the movie The She Creature, it’s neither referred to by that name or by “Cuddles,” the nickname given to the costume by creator Paul Blaisdell.  Okay, so maybe “obviously” is a bit of an overstatement considering the film’s relatively obscure status among the mainstream public, but I think you get the point.

“Woody” looks like a hairless version of the Zuni fetish doll from the Trilogy of Terror movies.  Although much less obscure than The She-Creature, Trilogy of Terror is the sort of movie that only a handful of your friends will know about.  Out of those friends, at least one of them was practically traumatized by the doll when they saw the movie as a kid.

Oh, and check out the notes about the mask.  First they talk up how comfortable and detailed it is, and then they hit you with the news that it smells so bad that it needs to be doused in industrial perfume.  Not just any perfume, but INDUSTRIAL perfume.  Not only does it smell terrible, but there’s a good chance your face will reek after wearing it.  Check out the bit about how the mask “[n]eed to not be in prolonged contact with anything.”  Oh yeah, that’s a promising sign.

“Saturday Morning Lisping Lizard Man” might as well be called “I’m making a Sleestak from Land of the Lost without paying the licensing fees.”  Although not as risky as making a Godzilla knock-off, violating the copyright of a Sid and Marty Krofft character isn’t exactly the best of ideas.  After all, the Kroffts mopped the floor with McDonald’s and doomed Mayor McCheese to legal limbo.  Besides, you definitely don’t want to mess with people whose initials are “S&M.”  Also worthy of note is the price, seeing as how some people defend knock-offs since they’re less expensive than the legitimate versions.  I guess whoever made this mask didn’t get the memo.

I’ve never seen the modern Battlestar Galactica series and even I could tell the “Retrofit Lighted Mask” is a Cylon rip-off.  After all the surprisingly well-crafted knock-offs in this article, it’s nice to get back to one that actually looks crappy and poorly made.  Come to think of it, that’s probably why they’re touting how the mask has ten lights in it.

While looking for a comparison image of a Cylon, I stumbled across a site that not only had real Cylon masks, but some more article fodder.  Here, we find a “White Rapper” mask that’s obviously Eminem, plus some overt racism.  I don’t know what’s worse about “Plain Brown Rapper,” the terrible pun or the fact that crap like this still exists.  Just kidding, the second part is the worst!  As for “Leroy,” I’m amazed they have the balls to charge $45 for this poorly sculpted, racist garbage.  They should just sell cans of black shoe polish and get it over with.

Poking around that site led me to this page.  The first thing of interest is a horrorific-looking, official Barney Rubble mask that could easily be retooled as a mask for a slasher film.  Don’t laugh; if they could do that with a Captain Kirk mask, they could do it with this.  If you mosey on towards the bottom of the page, you’ll be confronted with these two “Secret Wishes” costumes.  That’s right, it seems that George Jetson lost his job at Spacely Space Sprockets and now Judy and Jane have to turn tricks to put food on the table.  What the hell were the Time-Warner/Turner licensing departments thinking when they okayed this?  I guess I should be thankful that they didn’t make kid-sized versions.

Speaking of prostitutes, here’s a funny take on pimp and ho costumes for children and pets.  I should also note how many companies try to get around the potential “pimp” stigma by calling them “Big Daddy” costumes.  That’s how pimp costumes make it into the children’s section of stores across the nation!