As an experiment this year, I thought I’d liveblog the 25th Annual Gemini Awards.  I livetweeted the 24th Gemini Awards Broadcast Gala last year.  I’m one of the few Canadians to give a flying poop about this sort of thing.  It’s an illness.  I need a woman.  Barring that, I need an excuse to give a flying fig about the Toronto Maple Laughs.

What I’m really looking forward to tonight is Ed the Sock’s This Movie Sucks!, since it promises to be new, but the Geminis make for fun viewing.  The Geminis really are the Bizarro Emmys.  Also, the Broadcast Gala’s 90 minutes long.  Unlike the Emmys, the Geminis don’t fuck around.

I have a personal interest in the Gemini Awards this year, since I’m following two shows in two categories: Pure Pwnage for Best Comedy Program or Series, and Durham County for Best Dramatic Series.

Also, the Broadcast Gala realized it can’t subsist on a diet of Mike Reno and Theo Tams, so this year features Elvis Costello, Feist and some off-key hobo.  Cory Monteith is the host.  Monteith promises to be funnier than Ron James, and Cory Monteith isn’t a comedian.

Granted, the Gemini Awards won’t be cool this year.  The Academy of Canadian Cinema & Television would have to stop giving out 100 awards a year for that to happen.  At least I’m not liveblogging the Genie Awards.  That’s the real dead zone when it comes to Canadian awards shows.

7:27 PM – Right now Showcase is showing Lost Girl. Lost Girl is a current hit for Showcase, though the press release feels the need to inflate LG‘s numbers. 400,000 viewers? Yeah, since Showcase airs it three or four times a week. I hope the Shaw Media regime curbs Canwest’s penchant for running a show to death. On a related note, how’s Cra$h & Burn doing?

7:39 PM – here are some links to my previous Gemini Award-centric articles: here and here. Yeah, 2005. I’ve been around a while.

7:57 PM – you know that Gino Vannelli song “People Gotta Move?” Cameron Gotta Poo.

8:01 PM – standard unfunny opening to Gemini Awards. I think I’ll pinch that loaf now.

8:05 PM – some drums. First thing I’ve seen on the Gemini Awards I’ve liked. Set looks, as usual, cut-rate.

Wait, is that Steve Paikin on drums?

8:07 PM – shots of the red carpet. Announcer is (I think) Dan Duran. Catch him on Cra$h & Burn.

8:11 PM – Monteith with the bla bla bla. Better than Ron James already. He’s a bit stiff, but at least he tells half-decent jokes.

8:15 PM – Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir present an award to Brian Williams. Williams is a nice guy, but it’s a news and sports Gemini. Big deal.

8:16 PM – Rick Mercer now up on stage. On a side note, does Kenny Hotz always look like a hobo?

8:20 PM – Missy Peregrym and some other Rookie Blue people announcing the Best Ensemble Performance in a Comedy award simultaneously. Cheesy. FYI, 22 Minutes wins for some weird reason.

8:23 PM – Commercial time. Up next, the people from Dragons’ Den. Also, Cathy Jones F-bombs the audience. It just wouldn’t be the Gemini Awards without the obligatory F-bomb.

8:26 PM – “The following program contains coarse language,” goes the Showcase announcer. No kidding. It also contains an awkward awards show and a countdown.

8:31 PM – Ugh. Dragons’ Den sketch. If there’s something the Gemini Awards do not need, it’s this sort of lame non-comedy. Robo-Bieber. Ha ha. Man, Canada.

8:31 PM – Holy shit, Hana Gartner?

8:35 PM – Clé Bennett wins a supporting actor dramatic series nod for The Line. There you go. An award for The Line. Clé looks classy.

8:42 PM – So…The Beachcombers ranks higher than Trailer Park Boys in the Fave TV Shows list? That’s not right. TPB‘s the most successful Canadian sitcom of the 2000s. Sheesh.

8:52 PM – Robert Carlyle wins best dramatic actor award for Stargate Universe. Good for him. He’s a genuine actor. Caroline Cave wins best dramatic actress for Cra$h & Burn, but is MIA.

Dan Speerin just mentioned me on Twitter, by the way. His show on Rogers Toronto is Dan Speerin’s Truth Mashup, which I should really get to viewing soon. I like to mention the smaller or more obscure shows, when I know I’ll get 100x more readers if I blab on about Glee.

8:55 PM – ah. Here’s the Feist/Elvis Costello/Off-Key Singer Man segment. They’re performing – do I have this right? – “Josephine.” Doesn’t sound that bad from where I am.

8:56 PM – what the hell? Is there a video hiccup or something? It cut into an actually-decent segment. I think the entire segment’s repeating! BOO!

9:01 PM – oh, since the Broadcast Gala is on a delay, here’s a major spoiler: Less Than Kind wins Best Comedy Program or Series. I wanted Pure Pwnage to win, but LTK deserves its Gemini. Congratulations, Less Than Kind!

9:07 PM – I will safely skip the Degrassi love. I have never enjoyed that franchise. The Geminis – and this is not a joke – should give some love to You Can’t Do That on Television next year. It was a genuine local phenomenon that hit big in America, but it won’t get a mention since it’s low humour. I don’t know why the Gemin–SPLAT

9:14 PM – To those complaining about the technical glitches in this year’s Gemini Awards broadcast…Showcase never had these glitches last year. Shaw Media’s turn at the broadcast/narrowcast wheel is really off to an audacious start, isn’t it? Also, how long has it been without an awards presentation?

9:15 PM – Ah, there’s the “let’s get the minor awards out of the way” credit roll. Will read later.

9:16 PM – Geri Hall is a poor woman’s Mary Walsh.

9:19 PM – Best Talk Series is being televised? And it went to Spectacle?! Wow. Did not see that coming at all.

9:23 PM – Top 3 Fave TV Shows AS CHOSEN BY “YOU” COMIN’ ATCHA! Plus the two categories we all want to see. Let’s hope the spoiler holds.

9:29 PM – BEST DRAMATIC SERIES GOES TO THE TUDORS? THE FUCKING TUDORS?! Ugh. You know Durham County is the rightful winner, ACCT. At least it’s Canadian, and not a co-pro with minor Canadian participation.

9:33 PM – Remember the “Foreshadow” truck on the first Xavier: Renegade Angel episode? That isn’t as blatant as Degrassi being the Fave TV Show As Chosen By “You.” It’s a franchise, not a show. Congrats to it, I guess, but I refuse to believe the Degrassi shows are the best thing Canada’s produced in 25 years.

9:34 PM – And the spoiler holds. At least the comedy Gemini didn’t go to Little Mosque on the Prairie.

9:48 PM – Well, thank you for reading this article. It’s been a pleasure. As for Enter the Picture Productions and Shaw Media, in the future, you might want to mute your stage director.

Eh, maybe I’m just old-fashioned. At least this will make for great YouTube fodder, which is a positive over last year. Hmm, maybe Shaw Media knows what it’s doi…nah.

See you next year, Geminis…maybe.

9:54 PM – Oh, and thanks to The Ron James Show‘s Mark De Angelis for a Twitter RT.

Also, if you see a mistake in this article and want me to correct it, let me know. This article was more fun than a prune danish.