Ed the Sock’s This Movie Sucks! (CHCH/CHEK/CJNT: second season premiered Saturday, September 25, 2010, midnight ET/PT) is one of those “if they find it, they find it” shows common to Canadian television.  Viewers and fans have most likely found new information about TMS! from this CHCH press release and, well, me.  Ed the Sock’s website is still “under construction,” while CHCH’s website is occupied with news and the odd full episode of Sportsline.

That’s a shame, since the second-season premiere of This Movie Sucks! is the best of the series.  There are still production problems – Ed the Sock points out that TMS!’ set is disintegrating in the season premiere.  The TMS! set looks slapped-together to begin with, so curtains don’t make a difference.

This Movie Sucks! has by now become a triad of Liana K, Ed the Sock and Ron Sparks.  Andrew Young’s on-screen role has been diminished by now, and he doesn’t even appear on TMS!‘ second-season premiere.  ”Naked Dave” Ross, so named since he shows his bare torso off in many different costumes, does.

By now, This Movie Sucks! is comfortable in its riffing.  TMS! does an excellent takedown of Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter.  Fart jokes still exist on this show, but TMS! by and large points out plot holes in Jesse James… Quick Draw McGraw can see.

Naked Dave even dresses up as Jesse James…‘s featured monster.  The monster has a bare torso, so that’s his excuse.

Longtime sweetposer.com readers might remember my review of The Master six years ago.  TMS!‘ print of The Master looks exactly like Platinum Disc Corporation’s.  I’m not saying TMS! cribbed the print from a DVD, but it looks washed-out and soft.  CBS Corporation now owns the series, so I have no idea how The Master is public domain.

The Master is awesomely slapdash.  It plays fast and loose with ninja lore, which isn’t surprising for a show starring Lee Van Cleef.  1980s ninja archetype Shô Kosugi is wasted as chief antagonist Okasa.

Hell, in some scenes Kosugi is Van Cleef’s stunt double.  Don’t ask me how that works.  Ask Michael Sloan.  He created the show.  The man had a fetish for ass-kicking older men back then.

Timothy Van Patten, now an accomplished television director, mushmouths his way through lame dialogue as Max Keller.  Van Cleef’s doubles look visibly thinner than the actor himself.  It’s Kung Fu meets The A-Team, right down to the custom-painted van and miscasting of a western star.  NBC would air anything in the early 1980s.

The riffing of The Master is as good as Jesse James…‘ riffing.  Granted, it’s The Master.  Mystery Science Theater 3000 based two episodes around the Master Ninja pseudofeatures this show became.  The Master is a no-brainer to riff.

Also, This Movie Sucks! has Roninja.  Allegedly, this is a ronin whose parents have been killed by the Yakuza Gang.  To that end, the ronin becomes a ninja, fighting crime at night.  Ron Sparks may or may not be Roninja.  Look it up on Wikipedia.

I hope This Movie Sucks! comes into its own this “season.”  The series has pretty much been bashed into shape, much like MST3K was in the pre-Comedy Central days.  I can’t see TMS! “graduate” to a higher budget or Showcase any time soon, but I’ll be happy if the show doesn’t cycle the first six episodes like it has this summer.  There’s only so much one can take of Wild Women of Wongo.

Since Ed the Sock’s This Movie Sucks! debuted on May 28, 2010, the show has been a popular search topic for URBMN.  Channel Zero recently announced a “renewal” of sorts for TMS!, in this press release for CHCH’s second year under Channel Zero ownership.

The show will have two new episodes in the coming weeks, according to Channel Zero’s Sonya Davidson.  August 28, 2010 will be what Davidson terms an “E3 Special,” which I assume means TMS! will visit/make fun of the Electronic Entertainment Expo.

September 18, 2010 will be the “season premiere,” though it’s really the seventh episode.  The schedule since c. July 2010 has been one new episode followed by two to three reruns.  There have been re-edits of the Attack from Space and Bride of the Gorilla episodes, as well as new opening credits.

At this point, This Movie Sucks! is definitely not as slick as Mystery Science Theater 3000 in its prime.  I’m not aware of MST3K in its KTMA days being as sloppily-edited as TMS! often is.  At least Charlene Zacks was turfed after the initial outing.

Ron Sparks’ involvement with This Movie Sucks! varies by episode, and Andrew Young is now well-established as chief butt monkey.  I don’t know what kind of a budget TMS! has to work with, but it certainly isn’t playing with CityTV scratch.

The show’s still a “find out at midnight Saturday to see if it’s a new episode” affair, but that’s due more to lack of publicity than anything.  At least TMS! actually re-edits weaker episodes.  You would not believe how much the Bride of the Gorilla episode has improved with actual riffing.

With this and CHCH’s new version of Sportsline, it’s like CHCH wants to assemble some weird amalgamation of “classic” Toronto television.  I mean, Mark Hebscher‘s hosting nü Sportsline.  Now all we need is a Just Like Mom revival…oh, shit.

Addendum (September 19, 2010 – 12:28 AM) | According to Channel Zero’s Sonya Davidson, new episodes of This Movie Sucks! will now air September 25, 2010.

I’ve known about this change since September 17.  I decided to wait until shortly after This Movie Sucks! aired in its usual time, just to see if CHCH would air yet another rerun.  It has.  As of the time I write this, the second version of Attack from Space is being rehashed.

I’m not even expecting a new episode for September 25, the way things are going.  I apologize for being late with this news, but I just don’t understand the show’s production schedule.  I’ve given TMS! a pass for a few months, but come on.  Geek-O-Rama just doesn’t cut it.

The first episode of Ed the Sock’s This Movie Sucks! (CHCH/CHEK/CJNT/Silver Screen Classics/Movieola: debuted May 29 at midnight ET/PT) is strictly amateur-hour, not the best of comebacks for Ed the Sock.  The show promises a celebration of bad movies.  All This Movie Sucks! celebrates in its initial outing is how half-baked it is.

Ed and Liana K are flanked by Ron Sparks, Andrew Young and Charlene Zacks.  Ed makes with the insults.  Liana throws popcorn, while Sparks and Young lob token wisecracks.  Bride of the Gorilla is screened, largely free of Ed’s cutting wit.

This doesn’t play to Ed’s strengths, since Bride of the Gorilla is boring as hell.  Raymond Burr is cursed by a witch doctor, becoming a gorilla mentally and/or physically.  It’s a weregorilla film that half-asses on the monster itself.  Bride of the Gorilla cries out for a riffing that never comes.

I don’t know what to make of Charlene.  She’s gap-toothed and awkward.  I’m not even sure if she’s acting.  Charlene and Ed play off each other, not that it makes This Movie Sucks!‘ debut more watchable.

This Movie Sucks!‘ debut goes for a Dinner and a Movie-type format, the worst format a show like this could pick.  Ron Sparks is almost completely wasted.  Even Ed the Sock creator Steven Kerzner states how bad the first episode is in the closing credits, calling TMS!‘ debut a “beta test.”

This touch-and-go approach to show creation is almost gone from North American television.  This Movie Sucks!‘ debut should have been better thought out, but this is CHCH in the Channel Zero era.  You can painfully see the feeling-out process firsthand.  At least This Movie Sucks! is honest about its own shittiness.

Here are the first four minutes of This Movie Sucks!, from CHCHnewsfan’s Youtube account.  I wonder if Charlene Zacks will appear on This Movie Sucks! in the future.  She might be to TMS! what Beeper is to Mystery Science Theater 3000.

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The second episode of This Movie Sucks! has Ed and Liana K embrace the Mystery Science Theater 3000 house style.  The riffing on TMS! isn’t nearly as clever as on MST3K, but it’s adequate enough.  After TMS!‘ first episode, there’s nowhere to go but up.

Wraparounds for the second episode have Ed and the gang attend Anime North 2010.  Ed explains that the studio shoot for this episode is so terrible, they’re scrambling to fill time.  Young and Sparks are still around, yet Zacks is nowhere to be seen.  Thirty minutes of airtime have also been excised.

Attack from Space is the target of Ed and Liana’s riffing.  The “film” stitches together two Super Giant short films, The Artificial Satellite and the Destruction of Humanity and The Spaceship and the Clash of the Artificial Satellite.  Super Giant is redubbed Starman for American audiences.

The dubbing is of 1960s standard.  Dialogue is heavy.  A narrator neatly delineates the plot – well, as much of it as he can, considering Attack from Space‘s ill-thought-out nature.  We’re talking about a film where Starman’s wings flap in the vacuum of space.  Attack from Space deteriorates from there.

I hope future episodes of This Movie Sucks! use the second episode’s format.  Riffing is familiar Ed the Sock territory, a fact Fromage viewers well know.  Young and Sparks should also be riffing, since they’re comedians, but the show’s format is not yet etched in stone.

The Anime North footage is an excuse for Liana K to cosplay.  There are some half-decent moments, like when Ed tries to sell conventioneers on the wonders of Everyburger, pork jerky and Cream Collon.

The fans are initially put off by odd examples of Japanese food culture.  That’s so much better than Ed the Sock constantly referencing an overexposed YouTube clip in the first episode.  Come on, Cream Collon!

I hope This Movie Sucks! improves from its second episode.  For one thing, CHCH isn’t going to turf TMS! for more badly-dubbed martial arts films.  TMS! might as well be the best damn Mystery Science Theater 3000 ripoff it can be.  What does This Movie Sucks! have to lose?

As a bonus, here’s a poor-quality clip of Ed the Sock at Anime North 2010.  Watch as Cafe Delish gives love to a dessert tray.  It’s otakuriffic!

URBMN readers – hell, anyone familiar with CityTV and MuchMusic – should remember Ed the Sock.  The green-haired, sardonic sock puppet has been around since the late 1980s, when Ed first debuted on Newton Cable in Toronto.  This Movie Sucks! will mark Ed’s debut on CHCH, CJNT and CHEK, as well as Movieola and Silver Screen Classics.  The show first airs May 28, 2010, from midnight to 2:00 AM.

This Movie Sucks! reads like a reiteration of Ed’s Nite In, where Ed and human sidekick Red (Liana Kerzner) make fun of bad films.  This Movie Sucks! will be followed by I Hate Hollywood! in September 2010, according to Bill Brioux and the Ed the Sock website.  A new version of Fromage is also planned.

I’m ambivalent about Ed the Sock’s return to television.  This Movie Sucks! is the perfect fit for both CHCH and CHEK.  It’s a terrible fit for Movieola, the short-film channel.  At least CHCH is airing more than its usual midnight martial-arts film, so I shouldn’t complain.  I’ll only judge This Movie Sucks! once it airs.

TVShowsonDVD.com’s David Lambert has posted news of The Red Green Show‘s first three seasons coming to DVD through Acorn Media.  On January 26, 2010, the first three seasons will be packaged in a 9-disc box set, titled The Infantile Years.  The set covers The Red Green Show‘s two seasons on CHCH and its lone YTV season.

Previous Red Green season sets have come from the CBC era of the show, which began in 1997-98.  If Wikipedia is to be believed, this will be the first time The Red Green Show‘s second season will be on DVD.

It’s odd how Acorn Media’s blowing through the early years in one shot, unless the individual seasons are to be sold later.  The box art for The Infantile Years is, uhhh, infantile.  I’m curious to know why the CHCH/YTV era of the show is being sold this way.

With an MSRP of $99.99 US/$124.99 CDN, this set is only for the hardcore fans.  I realize Acorn Media markets The Red Green Show heavily – the compilations, Red Green Is Special, this.  Will the three Global seasons be similarly lumped together?  Acorn Media’s usually more logical than this.

One of the things I’ve become more into now when I hit thrift stores is buying random VHS tapes to see what is on them. Mind you, I don’t buy a lot of tapes – there are hundreds of TV rebroadcasts of films like Iron Eagle III and The Money Pit out there, and who’s that desperate for Iron Eagle III? I tend to go for mystery tapes with vague labelling in hopes of finding pro wrestling and/or random broadcasts from the 1980s.

On one of these tapes, I was successful in finding 1986 broadcasts of both WWF Wrestling and International Wrestling. The WWF Wrestling show came from Hamilton’s CHCH, at that time one of Canada’s most well-known independent stations. International Wrestling could be seen on another well-known independent, Toronto’s CityTV.

CHCH doesn’t exist in its original form anymore. CityTV is still around, but its glory days have long since passed. International Wrestling (a/k/a Lutte Internationale – it did emanate from Montreal) died in 1987. The WWE, however, still airs jobber matches and continues to employ the Iron Sheik in some capacity. Some things never change, even when they need to.

The first match features everyone’s favourite 1980s jobbers José Luis Rivera and Leaping Lanny Poffo against…King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd. Rivera and Poffo are fucked.

Poffo reads one of his famous poems. He hopes that Andre the Giant slams Bundy and Studd like a feather. Only Hulk Hogan and Andre were allowed to slam the “unslammable” main-eventers back in 1986, so you can guess the outcome of this match without using one brain cell.

What’s to say about the match itself? Bundy and Studd beat the crap out of their opponents – this is WWF TV formula, after all. At least the audience gets to hear great Gorilla Monsoon/Bobby Heenan banter. There are Hulk Hogan chants for some reason, even though Poffo and Rivera have been established as jobbers and thus not important enough to rate a run-in by ol’ Fu Manchu.

Here’s the Junkyard Dog promoting a match at Maple Leaf Gardens. Sylvester Ritter goes through the gotta-keep-fighting spiel, puts over a match between “Macho Man” Randy Savage and Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat and bigs up a Dan Spivey/Mike Rotunda tag team. Savage and Steamboat would go on to make lots of money, Spivey and Rotunda would not and JYD would continue midcarding for a few more years. That’s not a slight on JYD – it’s hard not to like the man who grabbed them cakes, but Hogan was Vince McMahon’s cash cow for almost a decade.

The Macho Man puts over a King of the Ring tournament – crucially, not the official one – as he sells himself to Hamilton fans watching him on CHCH. Savage ohhh yeahs through his promo as he talks about some of the people in the tournament – Tony Atlas, the Rougeau Brothers, Mike Rotunda, Dan Spivey and himself, among others. You may notice a few seconds of silence during his promo, probably caused by someone being fired from or leaving the WWF. I’m not a good lip reader, so I don’t know who left. This is a standard Macho Man promo, but Macho Man promos are always entertaining.

Nikolai Volkoff (singing the Russian national anthem) and The Iron Sheik face off against the Marcus Brothers in another squash match, not that you couldn’t see this coming from a mile away. Are these matches entertaining to watch? Of course not – one of the teams is local, so obviously they have no chance of winning against the former WWF Tag Team Champions. Frankly, I just fast-forward through this match like I do all the other squash matches on the tape.

BONUS! This commercial for Fruit Fantasy is a bit homoerotic. It’s not meant to be, but what to make of lyrics like “whipping up the nectar” and “chomping the strawberry/nibbling the kiwi/munching the mango/biting the berries” sung in a breathy Caribbean style? Yeah, nothing suggestive in those descriptions.

For those ignoring the possible double entendres, there’s the black waiter in a white suit serving up this Fruit Fantasy while the Caribbean singer exhorts us to “taste the reality.” Fruit Fantasy, it should be noted, is a generic-looking frozen treat. Reading too much into twenty-two-year-old commercials is fun.

Stay tuned for International Wrestling action in my next post! Dino Bravo! A skinny Rikishi! Uhh…more jobber matches! All this and The Great Samu are coming your way! Don’t miss it!