Rottrevore is an Indonesian record company and metal webzine that has existed since the late 1990s.  When the site came up with its first issue…well, let me explain.  I was trying to establish myself in the metal webzine world in 1999-2000 by fishing for e-mail addresses and band contacts.  It took me until mid-2003 to realize that spamming bands is a terrible way to procure review material.  I still read a few music sites and try to immerse myself in the metal scene as a contributor to Unrestrained!, but back in my formative years (essentially everything I did until 2003) I used to read a lot of metal webzines.  I know, “fanzines are shit,” that’s the retarded generalization some people use.  Those people are even more stunted intellectually than I am.

Rottrevore #1, essentially a page of reviews and an interview, was the worst attempt at a webzine that I’d ever seen.  It still is, really – blood bars and sites done entirely in Netscape Composer aren’t de rigueur these days, not when there’s Adobe Photoshop and Macromedia Dreamweaver to pirate and half of America has high-speed Internet.  Rottrevore has improved greatly and actually become respectable these days, but the early days of the Internet saw some frankly horrid writing and site design.  Everyone who had an opinion, a computer and a Geocities account could start a webzine, and that’s what the underground metal site world pretty much was in those days.

Even for the standards of the time, though, Rottrevore was shit.  I’m not picking on Indonesians, but some of the most horrible attempts at promoting the metal scene on the Internet came (still come?) from that country.  People familiar with sites like Atifah Netzine might understand what I’m talking about.  For those that don’t, here are some reviews from the first, FortuneCity-hosted Rottrevore.

FORGOTTEN – OBSESI MATI promo 1999
More sick and more,more,more,more and more !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This extreme death/grind concept and destructive has bring them to create second full lenght under two lables
on April 1999.Their line up is perfectly enough to kill your girlfriend and give the meet to dogs.This promo contains of two dangerous songs so much hateful energy that even
an angel must be like to kill………
for more info/interview click here

There is nothing funnier than the opening tirade to this review.  When I read this site in 2000, I laughed at that “More sick and more,more,more,more and more !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” line for at least five minutes.  In 2006, I still laugh at that line for more than five minutes.  It is the worst line to ever appear in a music review.  Indonesian sites are (or were, I don’t know how much death metal and/or its fans have improved over there – at least Rottrevore has) written in the worst English allowable by law.  This was bad even for the relaxed grammar of Indonesian metal sites back then.  Frankly, there’s no way reviews could be worse than this, as evinced by the fact that I haven’t found a site worse than what Rottrevore started out as.

That’s a good thing, by the way.  That doesn’t mean I don’t come face to BLOODY ROTTING SKULL with bad English and “HAIL SETAN”-isms to this day.  It’s a willfully stupid music genre, this “metal.”

BRUTAL CORPSE – FUCKED BY MAGGOTS SKULL!!!!
Quite extreme,sadist,high voltage…………..
BRUTAL CORPSE has won over the most ultra high of Death metal enthusiast with excited tempo and powerful phenomenal drumworks.
Check out “Resurrection”,”suicide”,”Out of normallity” are their no speed limits.Born from DEATHVOMIT city has losed all bands before them.
This is agrressive force!!!!!!!!!Yeahhhhhh….god give me nothing!!!!
contact : Anggeng
APIKRI
Jl.menukan 10
Yogyakarta 55153
Indonesia

I love the interjections coming from the Rottrevore writer.  There’s the usual “this is brutal” and “God sucks” patter, written so poorly as to be comedy classics.  Considering this is from an Asian source, I wonder which god the writer’s talking about.  It might be the Christian God, it might be a Hindu god or it might be a piece of sidewalk.  Whatever God is being talked about must obviously suck, of course – you know, metal kayfabe.  FUCK YOU, GENERIC GODLIKE BEING!  HAIL GENERIC POLAR OPPOSITE!

I will admit there are some lucid words in this review, but those words are limited to “powerful phenomenal drumworks.”  The rest is all broken English and cliché.

For years, I thought Brutal Corpse’s album title included the word “skull!!!!”  It turns out that whatever browser I was using (I was an early user of Opera until the browser started crashing every five seconds) didn’t recognize the blink tag.  Yes, I included the blink tag in this article to recreate the true Rottrevore experience.  I didn’t include the blood bar, though.  Those things are always dire.

DELIRIUM TREMENS – DEMOSYNDROME
One of the most brutal “high class” death band in Jakarta has already prove theirself to spread their sickness and wild to exterminate things as far as we can see
Blasting drums,intense riffs guitars make your ears bleed.
It put DELIRIUM TREMENS is one of incredible band in Indonesia,you must enjoy this bloody brutal death gore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
contact : Jolly
Jl. Kramat Lontar VI/j 141
Jakarta 10440
Indonesia

I MUST ENJOY THIS BLOODY BRUTAL DEATH GORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  MORE SICK AND MORE,MORE,MORE,MORE AND MORE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  YEAHHHHHH….GOD GIVE ME NOTHING!!!!  I know Indonesia isn’t nearly as developed a country as Canada.  Still, even factoring in Australasian enthusiasm for metal and grindcore, I’m surprised no one was embarrassed putting that on the Internet.  A “high class” gore band?  Aren’t the terms “gore” and “high class” mutually exclusive?  At least the Rottrevore writer describes what Delirium Tremens do, so that’s a plus.

Funnily, I don’t think any of the bands reviewed by Rottrevore managed to break out of their local scenes, not that being local is in any way a bad thing.  I somehow always manage to confuse this band with the Swedish label of the same name.  Considering most Indonesian bands are anathema to a lot of the civilized world I don’t think Delirium Tremens have much of a name on the world stage.  Hell, they may have broken up four years ago.  I don’t follow the Indonesian metal scene that closely.

IMPIOUS – ELEVATION OF THE CROSS
Contain six songs brutal grind showing the drummers power which is unbelievable,very very fast than
even FERRARY will think before it act!”stamping on holy cross”and “rotten smell” as prove.
Horrific vocals from IMPIOUS is enough to kill your mama!!!!!
Dave from LIVIDITY must be aggree about that.
contact : IMPIOUS
Jl.jeruk no.62 B BINTARO
Pesanggarahan Jakarta Selatan 12320
Indonesia

One thing that’s notable about the Indonesian death metal and grindcore scenes is that bands employ very fast drummers.  Those Indonesians love speed.  Still, who is this Ferrary?  Is he/she/it one of those transforming robot cars from Space Thunder Kids or just some random Indonesian?  Whatever Ferrary is, he/she/it better think before rushing headlong into brutal grind.

I learned a lot from this review.  A member of an underground American death metal band must agree that Impious’ vocalist can kill mothers with sound, for instance.  The drummer’s power is unbelievable, too.  Songs like “Rotten Smell” and “Stamping on Holy Cross” prove it!  This is in no way a badly worded review!  How could something from FortuneCity be crap, anyway?  I suck!

CORPORATION OF BLEEDING – BLOOD FEAST SKULL!!!!
COB is brutal gore influenced by CANNIBAL CORPSE,just hear the hammer-on technic guitars,and half of
CRYPTOPSY (godz!)
High speed running tempo,arise from Jakarta.This is fucking sick album!intense riffs,growl vocals
clench hands into fists,it make grinding our teeth!
contact : Porry
Jl.kamboja II no.14
Rawamangun jakarta 13220
Indonesia

Somewhere in that morass of improper sentence structure and descriptors can be found what needs to be known about Corporation of Bleeding (dumb name for a band, but this is Indonesia.)  They sound like Cryptopsy, have Cannibal Corpse-like lyrics, and are high-tempo.  Why not just say that instead of writing this stream-of-consciousness shit?

I was going to make a cheap joke about technical guitars being hit with hammers, but the review’s so nondescript that it’s just not worth the bother.  I might complain about bad metal bands, the metal scene’s celebration of its own ignorance and/or band names like I Shit On Your Face.  I can’t remember any metal sites on the web that were or all poorer overall than original Rottrevore, and I’ve been following this shit since 1999.  It’s a good thing Rottrevore improved, because I can’t really see how the site could get worse.

I’m sure I’ve offended some metal fans by writing this article.  If me making fun of half-assed reviews is enough for you to tell me off for doing so, please get a hobby.  Alternatively, drink some cyanide.  Do some of you anal-retentive types even know how to smile?  I know it’s not kvlt, but just try.

I subscribe to a lot of mailing lists.  I do this because, at heart, I am part of the entertainment business – well, I pretend to be.  I’m about five steps away from having no life at all, so I need to keep myself occupied with something.

One of the lists I subscribe to is the Scratch Records mailing list.  The company seems to do very well with its distribution arm, but its store…the store is a maze of press releases.  Independent bands/labels there tend to sell themselves with more hyperbole than a mortal can stand.  Also, the prices at Scratch can be awfully expensive and I’m not that rich or easily led a music fan.  I’m not trying to bash Scratch Records, but it seems the term “judicious editing” has never crossed the newsletter editor’s head there.  Am I wrong?  Take a look at selections from recent newsletters and TELL me I’m wrong.

UNDER PRESSURE-s/t  CD (Primitive Air Raid/PAR002) $10.50
Successive waves of tough guy metal dogshit and content-free straight edge pablum have rendered hardcore a dirty word for most discriminating 21st century music fans, but Canada has been at the forefront of the genre’s recent revitalization through such real-deal outfits as Fucked Up, Inepsy and Career Suicide. Winnipeg’s Under Pressure are set to continue this welcome trend with their newest effort, an eight-song ripper of quick, raw hardcore inspired by Poison Idea, Black Flag and Motorhead, delivered with smarts, chops and energy to burn.

What a bunch of overwritten ad copy.  Essentially, this bit of purple prose can be boiled down to its “FUCK THAT METAL/SXE BULLSHIT!  THIS IS HARD…TO THE CORE” lowest common denominator.  Is it good that I can recognize one of three local Canadian band names being dropped here?  Since when was Motörhead considered hardcore, by the way?  Makes sense to reference a speed metal band when talking about how old-school hardcore you are.  I know when I write a comedy script, I always study shows like Mannix and Baretta just to get that comic timing down.

Frankly, this reads like a grindcore band’s bio.  If Under Pressure aren’t grind, I’ll eat my hat.  At least the CD is “budget priced” for those bargain hunters.  Never mind that $10 is the maximum I’d ever pay for a CD – how can I pass up something that sounds like Inepsy or Fucked Up?  Could you?

NICK CAVE & THE BAD SEEDS-The Good Son  CD (Mute/8417832) $32.99
We can’t get the cheaper Mushroom pressing any more, so we bring you this more expensive Holland import of Nick’s fine 1990 album.

NICK CAVE-The First Born Is Dead  CD (Mute/8417872) $22.50
Replaces the previous Mushroom version, but no change in price. From 1985, hear Nick sing the blues.

There is no reason to pay $32.99, even in Canadian dollars (seriously, the dollar’s been worth >$0.80 US lately, enough of the Canadian Tire jokes) for an import copy of a Nick Cave album.  I can’t believe people will accept paying more than $20 for something because it’s a limited edition or because it’s an import.  I can understand why imports are more expensive, but good lord!  I can buy seven used CDs for that price, and possibly those old Nick Cave releases Scratch Records is talking about!  How is this cheaper than my local record store or Music World?  The last time I paid $30 for a CD was when I bought an “import” version of Atari Teenage Riot’s Burn, Berlin, Burn!…IN 1997.  Now that I’ve said this, of course, Nick Cave fans are going to berate me for having bad musical tastes and I’ll continue to be shunned until I develop the mental illness of being a hipster.

THE USED-I Caught Fire  CDEP (Reprise/9362428872) $8.50
Kelly Osbourne’s grubby and unbearable ex-boyfriend returns with several anthems for the delusional youth. Tracklisting: 1. I Caught Fire
2. The Taste Of Ink (Live) (From Channel V – Australia) 3. All That I’ve Got (Acoustic Version) 4. Lunacy Fringe (Acoustic Version)  5. Alone This Holiday (Non-album Track) “It’s clear The Used know who they are now; they’ve found their voice. They are plainly aware of their position in the music world today, and it feels good. They’ve delivered the record their fans have been asking for- one that places them squarely on the top of a genre they’ve helped create”. That genre must be Nu Bad Music.

THE STROKES-Juicebox  CDEP (RCA/82876759722) $8.50
It took three albums for these turds to sing U2 [and The Cult/Doors] overtop of the Batman Theme. Ew. [Really, this may well be the single worst song ever]. The second track, “Hawaii”, is much better. Tracklisting: 1. Juicebox 2. Hawaii 3. Juicebox (Live In Rio De Janeiro, Brazil) 4. Juicebox (Video – Director’s Cut)

Why the hell would a record store based entirely on appealing to a specialized audience sell albums it hates like this?  What’s the point?  I know the music industry exists purely to make money, and independent record stores do that by wrapping themselves in friendly, trend-conscious images.  Even so, who’s going to buy something from a retailer that points out how much the album it’s selling sucks?  Is that good business?  Couldn’t the Scratch Records employee responsible for writing these album descriptions just list the album without the “don’t buy this” spiel underneath?  Frankly, if people want to buy The Used’s new EP, they will regardless of what anyone else says.  Maybe this is a Vancouver thing and I just don’t understand.

FUN 100-Hit It & Quit  CD (Hockey Dad/HDR10) $10.99  
With “dance-punk” now a household word and Gang of Four crowding everyone’s “Favourite Band” list on MySpace, it is quite obvious that punk rock has nearly lost its fun side. Indeed, it seems that the heyday of mindless punk rock occurred when most of us were too young to buy clove cigarettes or Pabst Blue Ribbon. Enter Fun 100, five dudes who understand that punk without the pop is like dad without his minivan –it’s not taking you anywhere! Rocking out in church basements, public washrooms, houses, and sometimes even real venues, Fun 100 has been the pulse of the teenage heartbeat for the past four years. These guys are the real deal, their bedrooms ordained with hockey trophies, dirty laundry, and a whole lotta records. Adding synthesizers and a whole bunch of attitude, the band has picked up where the best pop-punk left off. Hit It & Quit, the group’s debut full-length, showcases the group’s superior song-writing and high-octane style. From the anthemic group chorus of “Hot Popular Girl” to the dance-inducing new wave of “Computer,” the record is a surefire instant classic. Look out for Fun 100 on tour for the better part of 2006. “Pure teenage zit rawk angst!” Nardwaur the Human Serviette  “Fun100 was headlining—they’re fucking amazing and still so young. Their songs are fast and filled with incredible things. They’re the Ramones and they’re the Exploding Hearts and they’re Blink 182 when you admit that yeah ok, sometimes pop-punk isn’t so bad… those little Abbotsford boys really know how to get the party started.” Terminal City  “True to their name, Abbotsford’s new wave pop-punkers Fun100 were a hell of a lot of fun to watch. Their ‘Computer’ song is about as danceable as they get and bonus points to the lead singer for wearing the same Mario Lemieux t-shirt that a friend of mine had in grade 7.” Only Magazine

Translation: it’s new new wave, and some people you’re supposed to like think Fun100 is tits.  At least the CD is $11, which is sensible enough.  I don’t know if Scratch Records or the distributed bands/labels set the prices, but punk and metal bands usually seem to understand the concept of “value.”

Well, some black metal bands are too in love with selling “limited edition pressings” of their latest missives for $30.  Is it really that clever to use “only 666 copies pressed” as a marketing ploy?  Does the average underground metal band actually sell 666 copies of anything?  I’m not being flippant – the sheer number of bands ripping off Carcass and Impetigo would worry even the most cretinous grindcore fan.

V/A-COMEDY BREAKS  LP (Filthstyle/FIL001) $17.50  
“Do you need a hook for your next song or need a solid diss for your next opponent in a DJ battle? If so, then this is the break record for you. Comedy Breaks features voice samples from Eddie Griffin, Richard Pryor, Rodney Dangerfield, Eddie Murphy and Dave Chappelle that will appeal to any producer, DJ or human with a sense of humor! The LP is packed with intros, outros, insults, skits about cops, women, racism, sound effects and more. A sure album for today’s creative music artist.”

I don’t understand why this is necessary.  I’m sure better thrift stores and charity shops have whole Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy albums for fifty cents or so, though they might not be easy to find and the albums are often in pisspoor shape.  Still, it’s more economical than paying almost twenty dollars to find out what the five fingers said to the face.

Richard Pryor made his own drugs.  May he rest in peace, and be remembered for more than saying “nigger” every fifth word in the process.

THE PINKY VIOLENCE COLLECTION  4DVD (Panik House) $99.99
Much anticipated collection of early 70’s Japanese exploitation gems. “Female bikers! Gang violence! Catfights!” are the promise to be delivered by these remastered, fully restored, uncut versions of DELINQUENT GIRL BOSS: WORTHLESS TO CONFESS / GIRL BOSS CUERILLA / TERRIFYING GIRLS’ HIGH SCHOOL: LYNCH LAW CLASSROOM / CRIMINAL WOMAN: KILLING MELODY. Extras include audio commentaries for each, trailers for each, actress and director bios, poster & still galleries, boxset bonus CD of Reiko Ike, and a 24 page booklet written by Chris D.
http://www.panikhouse.com/

I received this as a promo.  Either I’m extremely lucky or there’s no way that the 4-DVD set is actually worth $100.  Wow.  Frankly, this is why people go to DeepDiscountDVD and other discount DVD sites.  I tend to go the press route on some things, because there’s no way I can afford to be a film buff otherwise – I mean, Panik House releases some good stuff, but $100?  $40-60, possibly, but there is no way people are going to pay $25-30 for one DVD in 2005.  DVDs in cardboard slipcovers sell for a dollar, for crying out loud!

PART CHIMP-I Am Come  CD (Monitor/MON027) $15.99  
“Volume. It goes to eleven. Sure. Bleeding ear drums. Sure. But the use of volume is not a gimmick for Part Chimp. Volume and amps maxed out is needed to reach the sounds and feelings that ended up on their second LP I Am Come. Nearly becoming complete tape scramble, Part Chimp takes volume to the clipping point. After displaying their near ear drum bursting levels on their first LP Chart Pimp, Part Chimp have refined their sound, maintaining the walls of distortion, yet adding more hooks and harmony. The word evolution could be used here, but without being punny, let’s say Part Chimp have developed, but the inner ape is still with them. If Part Chimp’s debut was crusty punk fueled by an Ampthetamine Reptile crunch, then I Am Come is a highly refined offering, standing alongside distortion dwellers such as My Bloody Valentine, Sonic Youth, and Sunn0))). Recorded and mixed deep in the red by John Cummings of Mogwai, I Am Come is an unbelievable mix of dynamics, harmony, and dissonance.”

SO WHAT YOU’RE SAYING IS PART CHIMP ARE LOUD?!  I’M SORRY, I COULDN’T HEAR YOU!  MY EARDRUMS ARE BLEEDING THROUGH MY BRAIN, THEY’RE THAT LOUD!  I HAVE I MIGHT BRAIN THINK DAMAGE!

I’ve always considered Sunn O))) to be one of the stupidest names I’ve ever seen in metal.  How am I supposed to pronounce O))), anyway?  I know, the band’s name is pronounced “sun.”  The O))) is not pronounced and the band appropriates the name and logo of an amplifier brand, that’s not the point.  It looks ungainly in print.  Some people use a zero (0) for the circle, others use an upper-case O.  Some use three )’s after the circle, others two or four (five if the particular music scribe is demented.)  Sunn O))) are well-loved by people and they have a sizable fanbase, but the name is just one step up from Frantic Bleep.  I’m not kidding.

HAEMOTH-Kontamination  CD (Southern Lord/SUNN47.5) $16.50  IN MONDAY  
“[T]he brand new fithy, sickening burnt offering from the French Black Metal Underground terrorists: Haemoth. Brittle trance inducing cold blast of black metal with a lethal injection of extremely killer riffs. First official USA release ever. CD is limited to 2,000 hand numbered copies. Haemoth support all that can contribute to the ruin of the human being, every form of vice, and don’t give a fuck to the means used top reach that point. Any form of vice, destruction and hate have to be preached. Haemoth encourages every act, physical or spiritual which could carry to the decline, blasphemy or pain. To become one with Him, the interior death is inevitable. the weak ones don’t have their place here. May they burn in hell…”

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  This black metal band hates everyone, Satan is God, the clichés all familiar and cozy like a bed of nails.  Frankly, it’s better when black metal bands go WAY OVER THE TOP, because…well, I’ve never understood the appeal of black metal and why people take what any musician says seriously.  Note the limited amount of copies.  Not overshooting your press run is kult.  I’m going to masturbate in front of your hogtied mom now while sacrificing a goat with a sword made of skulls and pure chocolate FOR SATAN, because I’m kult.  And evil.  Buy my album.  I’m not trying too hard to offend you, really.

I swear, most black metal albums are backstory first, image second, musicianship waaaaay in the back.  It’s why I can never take extreme metal too seriously.  I think I’d be mentally retarded if I did.

THE INVISIBLE EYES-Laugh In The Dark  CD (Bomp/BCD4096-) $15.50  
“Take heed! Here be music for troglodytes and spacemen, monks, drunkards and sophisticated hip shakers alike. Primordial fuzz and reverberous caterwaul teetering on the precipice. New hymns by new primitives. A laugh in the dark, a shot in the arm and a kick in the ass. You can’t hold it in your hand, but it feels pretty good nonetheless. The twang and the thump, the rumble and the wail; the hypnotic sound of things breaking, oscillating and coming apart. There goes Bo and the Duchess in a whirling vortex of feedback held together with duct tape and safety pins. Somewhere over yonder a lonesome organ plays a hauntingly familiar tune while a tambourine can’t stop shaking. “Just what the world needs to hear,” said Greg Shaw.”

So…what sort of music do The Invisible Eyes play?  I hate these long, meandering bios.  They say absolutely nothing, yet make out like they’ve revealed a profundity that only gods would be able to see.  I’d like to know what a certain band plays, what neat genre I can file the band under, and what I should expect from an album.  This seems to be an indie rock album, so why can’t the label say so?  Greg Shaw, Bo and the Duchess might like this album.  Since when do they speak for ME?

Frankly, if Scratch Records doesn’t kick me off its mailing list after this, I’ll be pleasantly surprised.  Those wacky Vancouverites and their expensive tastes, they’re adorable.