Well, it’s that time again.  Since 2004 The UR Blog/URBMN has reviewed CBC Radio summer programming to the delight of…well, probably no one.  Longtime readers of mine, though, may have noticed how late I am in writing about the subject this year.  Simply put, I’m just not as interested in this summer’s programming as in previous summers.  I’ve accepted that CBC Radio One’s tastes just don’t jibe with mine, which is a shame as the network really is trying to improve itself lately.

This year there are at least two shows on the CBCR1 schedule (The Contrarians, So, You Think You’re Funny?) that sound truly interesting, but the CBC in general walks a fine line between the interesting and the inept.  I don’t care who’s on Freestyle – the format sucks and the show is just not good.  The One was an abject failure for both CBC and ABC, but at least George Stroumboulopoulos’ career remains intact.  Why is the CBC even airing kaiju films, anyway?  Wouldn’t it make more sense to air Godzilla films on an unaffiliated local channel, Drive-In Classics or CityTV?  Don’t even get me started on CBC’s increased reliance on Hockey Night in Canada – TSN has been picking at CBC Sports for some time and without Hockey Night in Canada CBC Sports would be crippled beyond repair, but how about trying to improve Hockey Night in Canada instead of relying on it to stand for the entire sports division?  Does anyone actually care about the Satellite Hot Stove?

It’s hard to be a CBC fan.  Hardcore fans will criticize the CBC when it tries to escape its niche, and whenever the network fails vehement critics will regularly take a strip off it for being a government-funded white elephant.  Maybe the problem really is with management.  The CBC hasn’t convinced me otherwise lately.  How can that network rely so much on George Stroumboulopoulos as a ratings draw?  The network is so incomprehensively weird in its programming strategies.

Socket
Season: first
Airs: Wednesday: 11:30 – noon/Saturday: 4:00 – 4:30 pm
How Radio One sells it: ‘Socket is a new show about the hottest new art makers in Canada. Whether it’s painters, sound and performance artists or the kids down the block who are re-making what we think of as art, Angela Antle will plug you into their innovative ideas.’

I despise this show with a passion.  The idea is good, but the execution…man, there’s nothing worse than hearing a story about an artist whose oeuvre revolves around Billy Bob Thornton and another story about an artist studying panties.  I know I’m not listening to Socket too objectively, but the show comes across as a half-hour wankfest.  If Socket‘s objective is to sell the listenership on the artist as down-to-earth and irreverent, it has failed.  Worse yet, Socket reaffirms the stereotype of postmodern artists as fairly unconvincing, self-insulated liars.  Maybe the show isn’t as bad as I feel it is – this episode at least sounds interesting – but it’s hard not to qualify my loathing for this show.  Maybe it’s because I’m helping build a house right now, but why do I need another reminder of the disconnect between my philosophy and CBC Radio One’s?  As soon as this show comes on, I change the channel to Classical 96.3 and never look back.

It’s nice that Definitely Not the Opera is cut down to a manageable two hours right now, but this isn’t much of a replacement for it.

Simply Seán
Season: second
Airs: Saturday: 10:00 – 11:00 am
How Radio One sells it: ‘One of our most popular hosts from last summer is back. Seán Cullen returns with more Saturday morning music and antics. His friends will drop by, he’ll play great tunes, he’ll offer summer survival tips and espouse his love for Canadian cheeses.’

I’ll give Simply Seán (is the accent a riff on The Colbert Report, by the way? Just wondering) credit, the show’s format is actually turning into something more than Seán Cullen playing stuff he likes.  There’s a man-on-the-street segment and Cullen’s periodically talking to his on-air staff is a plus.  If there’s one thing that bothers me about Simply Seán, it’s the way Seán Cullen links between songs.  He’ll play, just to give an example, The Strawberry Alarm Clock’s “Incense and Peppermints” and then go on about hippies taking the lyrics seriously.  That’s great, Cullen, you’re doing your stream-of-consciousness schtick on radio.  Now stop doing it so much.  At least he wins points for making fun of The Rheostatics’ bizarre song titles.

Without Cullen Simply Seán would be indistinguishable from any other music-oriented show on CBC Radio One.  Cullen’s carrying this format, to be sure, but he seems to be enjoying himself more this year and Simply Seán is strong enough as a show to do well on CBC Radio One’s fall schedule.  Still, Seán, playing The Strawberry Alarm Clock and not mentioning the Dick Clark-produced film that the band will forever be known for contributing to (1968′s Psych-Out)?  C’mon!  Warren’s freakin’ out at the gallery!

Subcultures
Season: first
Airs: Thursday: 9:30 – 10:00 am
How Radio One sells it: ‘Immerse yourself in the lifestyles of a growing number of people who find meaning in their lives by belonging to a subculture. From boxcar riders to crypto-zoologists, you’ll experience new ways to make human connections in a rapidly changing world with host and long-time subculture observer Hal Niedzviecki.’

To be honest, I thought this show was The Contrarians when I first heard it.  The Contrarians and Subcultures do share the same overall concept of highlighting the obscure, although The Contrarians seems to me like the infinitely better execution of said concept.  I’m not a Hal Niedzviecki fan – for some reason, I just can’t take seriously a man who rewrote Charlotte’s Web in fanzine style, no matter his other accomplishments – and the only episode of Subcultures I heard was about furries.

Subcultures was infinitely more objective in covering the nature of furry fandom than whatever MTV shits out about the subject, but the Internet has really killed the shock value of people who are obsessed about humanoid animals to a large degree.  There’s a huge difference between people who like drawing humanoid animals and the perversity of much of the furry community.  Frankly, the subject of furries bothers me to the extent that I can’t review Subcultures fairly at this point.  I don’t like Hal Niedzviecki’s lack of radio presence, but’s all I can say about Subcultures right now aside from the show being surprisingly dull. (no rating)

So, You Think You’re Funny?
Season: first
Airs: Thursday: 11:30 – noon/Friday: 7:30 – 8:00 pm
How Radio One sells it: ‘”So, You Think You’re Funny?” Wanna prove it? Belly up to the bar this summer with host Walter Rinaldi as he travels the country looking for new and emerging comedy talent. So, You Think You’re Funny? is a barroom variety show featuring stand up, musical comedy, sketch troupes, and anyone else who has “the goods” to get on stage and make Canada laugh.’

Not a bad outing for this show, actually.  As a comedy show, it’s above-average by CBC standards simply due to the fact that the comics covered on the show are fairly obscure and different from Russell Peters gurning on about his ethnicity.  Walter Rinaldi is amiable enough as host, and So, You Think You’re Funny? wisely keeps him in the background while highlighting local comedians and sketch troupes.  The show isn’t Comics!, of course, but So, You Think You’re Funny? is decent listening even when the comedians are as funny as leukemia.  So, You Think You’re Funny? is a simple idea, but sometimes the simple ideas work and it’s always nice to hear an “emerging talent” show on CBC Radio One that doesn’t have Lorne Elliott’s name attached to it.

As If
Season: first
Airs: Monday: 11:30 – noon
How Radio One sells it: ‘John Lagimodiere is a man on a mission. He’s a charismatic Métis journalist based in Saskatoon and he’ll spend the summer exploding myths, crushing stereotypes and shattering assumptions about life in this country. Think you’ve got it all figured out? As If! John will show you what his Canada is really like.’

Isn’t this show High Definition with a different host and concept?  It sure sounds like High Definition with a less engaging host (although John Lagimodiere isn’t bad, just that Don McKellar’s better) and Big Questions About Life as opposed to just Television.  High Definition having been yanked off the Radio One schedule rather suddenly earlier this year, As If seems like a weaker redux of the show.  It’s good that the Everything You Know Is Wrong concept is being used here, but the show I heard sounded like a bad episode of HBO’s Comedy Showcase with all that talk about sex and Getting Some.  Maybe I just heard a bad show.  Perhaps CBC Radio One is already ripping off its own recent concepts.  As If is better than listening to Shelagh Rogers, though, so that’s something going for it.

Will I do another one of these posts in the future?  As Tim McCarver said at the end of Not-So-Great Moments in Sports Take 3, “we’ll see.”  Not that Larry Merchant came out with a third sequel to his Not-So-Great Moments in Sports series, but that’s his problem, not mine.

Don McKellar‘s success in the Canadian entertainment industry amazes me.  He’s one of the few Canadian actors that has become as successful as he is while remaining an indigenous talent.

Why he chooses the projects he does, though, is beyond me.  There’s the Don McKellar that won a Cannes Prix de la Jeunesse for his debut directorial effort Last Night and has become a familiar figure in arthouse cinema.  There’s also the Don McKellar that lends his voice talents to Odd Job Jack, one of the most badly written and miserable “adult” cartoons I’ve seen in recent years.  He’s a charismatic actor, but he’s essentially played the same low-key slacker character for years – he’s 42 and still plays slacker archetypes – and has a limited range.  Still, he’s one of Canada’s success stories, which means he gets series like High Definition almost by default.

High Definition is a radio program trying to explain the relationship between television, its viewers and the wider world.  It’s a good idea – O’Reilly on Advertising recently applied media criticism to the advertising business, and the result was one of the more entertaining CBC Radio programs in recent years.  At the same time, programs like Definitely Not the Opera – and keep in mind I’m pitching ideas to this program, for the sake of disclosure – have produced some of the worst pieces on popular culture I’ve ever had the displeasure to witness, airing couldn’t-tax-the-brain-of-a-recessed-hamster segments like “Celebrities on Helium” that prove how funny pitchshifting is.  (Hint: it’s not.)  High Definition is the middle ground between the two programs.

Taking February 18′s program as an example, the episode description comes across as a typical, condescending DNTO segment given 24 minutes.  To wit:

Tune in this Saturday for a special episode of High Definition…On Ice. Host Don McKellar asks “Is figure skating the best soap opera on TV?” CBC Radio One’s new program about television ventures into the dramatic world of figure skating and tries to understand why it’s the most watched television sport after football.

Keep in mind, the previous two programs dealt with the topics of “Is Oprah REALLY saving the world?” and “How does 24 relate to the actual world of terrorism?”  These topics are covered in the usual CBC style – the analysis is slight to mildly probing, and McKellar isn’t really explaining how television works like Terry O’Reilly did advertising.  O’Reilly’s program gave a true insight into how advertising works, while McKellar plays his usual “detached observer” role.

High Definition‘s saving grace, though, is in the fact that McKellar at least tries for a more intelligent way of answering the questions he’s given.  High Definition has less attendant bias than usual for a CBC program, and McKellar proves a natural on radio.  His personality is such that he doesn’t come across as stupid for asking the questions he does.  It’s obvious that this program is a work in progress – while High Definition is trying to be immediate and more journalistically sound than usual, it’s not nearly as near-the-knuckle as it needs to be.  I’m not looking for Undercurrents-esque “investigating the media” pieces on Saturday morning radio, but McKellar didn’t come across to me as digging deep enough into his slight questions to say something truly profound about the television medium.  It’s nice to see him interview figure skaters and right-wing media types with equal fervour, but McKellar has done well in the Canadian television industry.  He doesn’t seem to be showing enough insight as a successful Canadian director and writer to explain why television influences the world the way it does.  Teddy O’Reilly at least lifted the veil a bit and explained the business from his perspective, something Don McKellar needs to do on his program.

Is High Definition bad, though?  No, and neither was O’Reilly on Advertising.  CBC can do media criticism well when it wants to, and in High Definition CBC Radio One has a program that can analyze the television medium – and possibly the CBC itself – while being entertaining and funny.  So far, High Definition has escaped the insipidity of typical CBC pop culture analysis, but the program needs to display more than it has if it hopes to last beyond its eight-week trial balloon.

High Definition has the ball.  Now it needs to run with it.

Relevant Info

High Definition
CBC Radio One, 02/04/2006-03/25/2006 (limited-run series)
Saturday, 11:30-11:54 AM EST

Here I go with another strike compendium.  I’m not going to post to every link out there, of course – to hell with doing that again.  The last time I did this, with the overly exhaustive year-end best-of compendium, it made “the rounds” a bit but was too much bloody work for too little exposure.  I just don’t think it’s worth it to link to fifty or so articles and make a snide comment for each missive.  I don’t want to once again fail to find the formula wherein the people that don’t normally give a measured damn about my writing (the list of which includes budding opium addicts, crap compadres and people with “9″ in their screen name) would do so just because some random measuring stick of quality would suddenly find this subsite “good.”

Actually, I couldn’t give a damn about whether this catches on or not.  I just don’t have a clue how something becomes “buzz.”  I run the risk of continuing to establish my “uncool” nature by talking about the CBC, but some political irritants can’t seem to live without it.  The left-leaning supporters of the CBC are worried about missing their goddess Anna-Maria Tremonti and the CBC haters are haranguing people about how our newest Governor-General is a seperatist, the CBC is in cahoots with the FIBERALS etc.  It hurts the sphincter something fierce.

With most people, of course, the usual reaction to the CBC strike is a resounding “meh.”  That’s fine, but it’s an irritant when writers, bloggers and journalists write down that their reaction to the CBC strike is a resounding “meh.”  Fine, you don’t like the CBC.  It’s rather dumb to devote an entire topic to that fact, though, isn’t it?  If you never pay attention to the CBC you won’t pay attention to it now.  Then again, it’s the Internet and anyone using logic within it is a bad person and/or homosexual.  People tend to prefer blatant finger-pointing or disaffection.  Such attitudes are just easier to maintain.

Some highlights of the past few days:

“Canada Remembers Jimmy MacDonald” | Someone links to Our Public Airwaves about Jimmy MacDonald’s Canada, which is airing on CBC Television after the BBC World Service in Canada Now‘s place.  I plan on reviewing that for UR (no, really) within the next few weeks, but I might as well establish my opinion on the show now.  CBC Retro Productions did a good job going through the CBC archives for Jimmy MacDonald’s Canada and the nascent division is one of the best things CBC has going for it.

As for the show itself, it’s bag.  The writers of Jimmy MacDonald’s Canada assume that throwing Waugh in, having his character drone on about how he hates microwaves (cut to file footage of an early microwave) and generally anything novel (cut to file footage of generally anything novel) makes for great comedy on the level of SCTV.  In the right hands it could have been.  CBC Retro’s hands just glued crappy wraparounds onto old file footage.  There’s literally no deeper meaning that could be retrieved from watching Jimmy MacDonald’s Canada, and that’s why the show is a squandered opportunity.

I need to explain the disparity between in-house CBC comedy shows by comparing Jimmy MacDonald’s Canada with Rick Mercer’s Report.  While I may not like Rick Mercer, his material is intelligent and there’s an enthusiasm to the show that only comes from good writers and capable performers trying hard to make their material work.  I don’t see that intelligence or enthusiasm when I watch Jimmy MacDonald’s Canada.  Sure, Jimmy MacDonald’s Canada may have surprised everyone by drawing a sizable audience for the 11:00PM Sunday time slot of death.  That doesn’t mean the show is funny, just that it’s somewhat popular.  Jimmy MacDonald’s Canada may not be as bad as The Muckraker, but Richard Waugh can’t act.  He’s a terrible comedic actor delivering subpar material.  It’s not that I can’t get satire.  Jimmy MacDonald’s Canada is just crap.  Do I need to elaborate more on this?

By the way, Our Public Airwaves looks like the most obvious front group for the CBC short of the site actually pointing to cbc.ca.  That site advocates “MORE CBC.”  I don’t want more CBC, I want a better CBC.  Why is that so hard to understand?

“CBC operating on autopilot” | Simple facts: the technicians went on strike in 1999 and 2001, but the journalists didn’t.  The technicians had their union (Communications, Energy and Paperworkers – the CEP, for short) and the journalists were members of the Canadian Media Guild.  Why the hell, then, are some people even a bit surprised that CBC News is hobbled by this strike considering the technicians and the journalists are part of the same union?  Seriously, some people are stunned at the lack of news coming from the CBC lately.  I don’t get it.  It’s like when a thousand people are in a room and all but ten of the people die suddenly.  Why would you expect the ten guys to do the work of the thousand?  How can they?

It’s nice to see CTV step up and whip out that “#1 NEWSCAST” phrase of theirs.  I’m sorry, GlobalNational with Kevin Newman is better than Lloyd Robertson’s late-night newscast could ever be at this point.  Laugh all you want, but I just find CTV News boring as hell.

A conservative blog tries to make a faint joke about the CBC and its Liberal mindset.  I’m aware that this isn’t much of a post to hang my opinion on, but the CBC is funded by the government in power at the time.  Why is that so shocking and outrageous?  I don’t like the Liberals either – personally, Paul Martin’s government has been long proven corrupt and it’s only due to Jack Layton being a leech on Martin’s leg that the Liberals are still in power – but isn’t the “CBC is FIBERAL PROPAGANDA” point overblown?  The CBC is a Crown corporation funded by the government, it’s always going to be accused of propaganda to some extent.  If you hate the CBC so much, get the Tories in power so they can privatize it, stop funding it and/or correct whatever biases there are in the network.  Then again, after doing that you’ll have one less thing to demonize, which is why I hate political blogs.  Having a common fabricated enemy makes things easier for the blogger.  I hate conspiracy theorists.

Some 411Mania writer makes a reference to the CBC disruption.  This really doesn’t have anything to do with the lockout, it’s just that Matthew Craggs’ columns don’t give me a reason to actually read 411Mania regularly.  Man, a straight arts and entertainment column?  Why the hell would I want to read that?

“With lockout, depleted CBC struggling to stay timely” | The gist of this: everyone important’s on strike, the CBC is burning off any repeats it can find and people are shocked that the CBC can’t air something better.  People are just annoyed because they expected tons of cock-ups and Just For Laughs Gags to be shown backwards.  Admit it, that’s all you wanted from the strike, right?  Who cares otherwise?

Dan Misener’s blog is all about the CBC as he’s trying to get a radio job there.  He’s amazed that the CBC won’t report fairly on itself during the lockout.  Not to be rude – and I’m just commenting on opinions, I’m not trying to bring people down – but why would it?  The managers are fighting against the Canadian Media Guild, and it’d look stupid for CBC management to admit any weakness during the strike.  The CBC doesn’t strike me as the type of organization that would say “well, we just locked out our journalists and technicians, we hobbled our news division and the CMG union members want concessions we just don’t have the funds to give them.”  No one wants to dissent from the ranks lest that member become a scab and thus a traitor to the cause.  Besides, the CBC admit inferiority?  Since when has the network ever done that?  You haven’t noticed the pompous attitude toward much of its programming yet?

Websnark, of course, has at least three articles about the CBC lockout, all very entertaining and essentially confirming what I’ve been saying about CBC programming all along.  I’m glad to see someone that doesn’t see the point in airing 50 Tracks again (although in my opinion compiling a list of “the one hundred best songs of the past hundred years” wasn’t such a good idea the first time – it’s all subjective anyway.)  One of the writers, Wednesday White, wonders why CBC Radio can’t exploit its rich heritage.  I wonder why it doesn’t do that, either.  Before you call me gay for even paying attention to CBC Radio, I’ve been a listener since the early 1990′s.  I know CBC Radio has come up with some good shows in the past, most of them lasting barely a year or being underappreciated by executives who wouldn’t recognize quality if a placard saying “QUALITY!” hit them.  Would reruns of The Great Eastern and The Vestibules be better than the godawful reruns of Disc Drive CBC aired this week?  What do you think?

That Disc Drive host, by the way, always sounds like he fumbled his keys somewhere.  I’m amazed at how lost that host is.  If that’s the quality I should expect from CBC Radio, just simulcast BBC Radio 6 and quit pretending the CBC Radio service is actually functional.

A blogger wants the CBC to ape a BBC/HBO hybrid model.  Actually, the way the network’s going it’s becoming a carbon copy of the BBC anyway.  I’m generalizing, of course – the “British” content seems to be limited to Valerie Pringle smiling through Canadian Antiques Roadshow (our insecurity as a country necessitates the ‘Canadian’ modifier), Christopher Eccleston mincing through Doctor Who, the lie that Canadians could give a measured damn about Coronation Street and nicking BBC programs for the radio service.  Still, we’ve taken all that and what did the BBC steal from us?  The idea for a “retro” division.  That really doesn’t sound right.

As for the suggestion that CBC become HBO, that isn’t going to happen.  HBO is one of the most overrated cable networks going, and myths are spun from the programming on that channel due to the fallacy that if the channel is harder to find and costs more the programming must obviously be better.  It’s a scam that made a cult item out of The Sopranos and Curb Your Enthusiasm.  The last thing I want to see is a show that coasts on its reputation and makes “bonus shows” after its “cancellation” because no one wants to let the show die.  Enough about DaVinci’s City Hall, though.

“CBC viewers, listeners get reruns and BBC newscasts as workers locked out” “CBC lockout ‘heartbreaking’ for staff” | Two National Post stories about the lockout.  I believe the person who talked about the strike being “heartbreaking” was Anna-Maria Tremonti.  Hey, Anna, you want to know something more heartbreaking?  The fact that I had to listen to you speak in a terrible Irish accent a few weeks ago.  What did you think you were doing, comedy?

Oh, wait, that wasn’t Tremonti?  You mean an actual Irish lass with an unbearable accent was filling in for her making a credible story about the Troubles in Northern Ireland sound almost laughable?  Damn it.

Oh, the two articles from the National Post are standard news stories that are days old by now.  So I’m not timely.  Who cares?

This blog mentions Dragon Booster but most of the post is about Oprah.  I am amazed this blogger cannot identify Relic Hunter or The Young & the Restless correctly, but don’t worry!  The blogger only watches Jeopardy! or Just For Laughs Gags after coming home!

I mean, really, Just For Laughs Gags?  People actually admit to watching that “LOOK AT ME!  I’M A MAILBOX BUT I’M MOVING!  ISN’T THAT WEIRD, HOW I’M A MOVING MAILBOX, HI I’M REALLY A MAN IN A COSTUME POINTING AT THE CAMERA” filler?  Sadly, that’s our greatest television export – a show featuring troupe members playing gags that Candid Camera wouldn’t touch on people that should know they’re being watched due to the CAMERAS BEING USED DURING FILMING.  When an unfunny POS show like This Hour Has 22 Minutes can lampoon the show successfully, it’s a sign that the show just isn’t that good.  There’s no accounting for people’s tastes, I guess.

CBC on strike? Meh. “[Rant] CBC has bias? Back to school you go …,” | Finally, I link to two articles that emanate from the Technorati media tag RSS feed I subscribe to.  Both seem to be indicative of the “wow, I don’t care” school of opinion that has turned everyone with a computer and a knowledge of English into a jaded übercritic.  Again, fine.  You don’t like the CBC and the Ottawa Citizen is a bad paper.  Really, I shouldn’t be so dismissive of the posts but one actually has the word “meh” as an article subject.  OH, BUT THE BLOGGER WATCHES NEWSWORLD, SO IT’S MORE IMPORTANT THAT SAID MAN DOESN’T CARE.  I forgot.

As for the other blog, it’s devoted to picking apart a letter from John A. Lupton.  I knew instinctively that the Ottawa Citizen was being talked about as it’s common parlance in Ottawa that the Citizen and Sun are hated with equal fervor.  Still, I can’t trust a blog that counters the question of “is the CBC biased” with “…uh, it employs Rex Murphy and…well, your taste in papers sucks.”  Try me, I can’t.  There’s something wrong with me.

I won’t stick up for Lupton’s “THE CBC IS USELESS!  NO ONE’S WATCHING AND IT HATES ISRAEL” diatribe, but does that mean I need to like the man who called Lupton an idiot?  Am I supposed to agree with the “USA not A-OK” statements bandied about here or the weak reasons why the CBC is so great?  It took the CBC years to successfully appeal to a “yoof” audience before Radio 3, for example, and even then Radio 3 is only appealing to the “indie” hipster niche market.  The whole “CBC reports the truth” bit – my God, are you on crack?  No one is unbiased in the media by way of design.  The CBC appeals to highly-educated people, but that doesn’t mean for one moment that all left-wingers are intelligent or that the CBC doesn’t have an agenda fueling its news division.  It’s in the CBC’s mandate to have an agenda, to represent the whole of Canada – it doesn’t mean the CBC focuses on aboriginals more for that reason, for instance, but minorities tend to hold more story appeal.

All I’m seeing is an empty pissing contest here – the left-winger thinks the right-winger is beneath him, while the right-winger wants the left-winger to die.  Why does this idiocy persist?  I hate when people label OPINIONS as FACTS, but I can only do so much to fix the problem.  I really need to let my vengeance control me more.

Even I hate talking about the CBC now.  Please allow this blog to catch on so I can be comfortably inane for once in my life.

Well, it’s actually happened.  The two CBC Radio networks and the CBC in general have officially become crippled by the strike.  It might be wrong for me to say I couldn’t be happier, but let’s face it: there wasn’t much of a line-up this summer season, was there?  Granted, I’m talking as if the summer season is dead – and with CBC management and The Canadian Media Guild at loggerheads right now, it essentially is – but if that’s the price to pay to keep Tetsuro Shigematsu off my radio, I’ll accept it.

I’m not callous.  I feel sorry for the 5500 staffers who can’t work for the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation due to the strike.  I’m not looking forward to the spectre of a completely silent Hockey Night in Canada and I’ll miss Ron MacLean’s sports reporting (which is always very good, and even the haters know that – if MacLean had defected to TSN instead of Chris Cuthbert, CBC Sports would have been crippled and CBC knows it).  The National isn’t as good when it’s pared down to thirty minutes, though the comedy program usually aired in its stead is an acceptable price to pay for the usually competent but rarely ever engaging documentary features.  Still, this is the third overall national strike (CBC workers in Quebec and Moncton, New Brunswick belong to different unions – the Quebec union having gone on strike twice itself) by CBC staffers in seven years.  Global doesn’t have this sort of labour problem.  CTV employees don’t go on strike like this.  Only the CBC employees do.  The CBC will survive this strike – it has in 1999 and 2001 – but with the technicians out of the building and ACTRA possibly following suit, the situation looks bad for the CBC.

Do I feel sorry for either side in the labour situation, though?  No.  Like any broadcaster CBC has been paring itself down, attempting to reach that ultimate level of cost-efficiency for a few years.  The network needs to be fiscally conservative like this.  It hasn’t been an easy few years for the CBC (especially with the radio networks, which have gone through an overall overhaul since 2003) but I appreciate the network’s push towards overall efficiency.  This means more contract workers and less full-time employees, but that’s just the nature of the beast these days.  The CBC didn’t need its own publicists.  This is no longer the CBC that stands alone as a monolith of the Canadian broadcasting landscape.  There needs to be a reason for CBC to exist, and while I despise a lot of the network’s programming there is an overall need for it.  Like it or not, CBC Television puts more effort into its programming schedule than CTV, Global and A-Channel/CityTV put together.  With the other networks, they just import a lot of American programs and add some cheap Canadian filler, seeing what works and going with that.  Ivan Fecan’s best work was at CBC Television, and it’s due to Danylo being exposed through Comics! that Comedy Inc. is on SpikeTV right now.  I don’t care if the CBC is third in the Neilsens.  That doesn’t mean one fat load of creamery butter to me.  I hope it doesn’t to other viewers.

What I can’t accept from the CBC, though, is the massive push towards temp work.  About a third of the CBC workforce right now consists of temps and contract workers.  The CBC needs its full-time employees, and while it needs to be efficient it also needs to be the public network it has been since its inception.  It’s ridiculous to turn the CBC radio and television networks into a carbon copy of what’s already out there.  The network had fifteen months to rectify the situation it was in with the CMG.  That this is the third CBC strike since 1999 suggests a failure to communicate with the people that make the CBC what it is.  It’s ridiculous to rely on BBC News so much during the opening salvo of this strike.  This wasn’t an unavoidable situation.  There’s no reason why CBC managers need to be so inflexible in the situation they’re in.  The CBC can only blame itself for arriving at this situation in the first place.  This isn’t war – it’s broadcasting.  There’s no place for ideology here.

Are CBC managers out of touch with what Canadians want?  I can’t say.  I can only suggest.  Still, I’m sure that most CBC viewers would rather have Don Cherry, Bob Cole and Harry Neale than three hours of the Air Canada Centre/Bell Centre/GM Place feeds with score-in-the-corner.  I cringe at the spectre of The National‘s opening credits being replaced with a chyroned-in “CBC News” over the generic CBC News logo.  I hope CBC Radio One re-airs The Vestibules, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of the new shows – as much as I hate some of them.  I hope for a speedy resolution to the labour dispute, but the lockout might go on for months.  The labour dispute with the CMG isn’t going to kill the CBC where it stands, but the network might not recover from this particular strike as well as it did in 1999 and 2001.  There’s only so many times the network can, if I can be so crass as to make a bad hockey analogy, make the save before it lets a floater in.

On the bright side, PROMO GIRL IS DEAD!  YAY!

What, you thought I wouldn’t let one cheap CBC joke pass through your eyes?  My sense of humour isn’t on strike, now, is it?  That’s one thing you can rely on.

NO END LINE SERVICE – NEXT ENTRY FOLLOWS SHORTLY

CBC Radio is strange this summer.  Andre Alexis’ new show didn’t seem to me to be that bad at first listen.  That was partially because he was playing some jazz – which I don’t mind – and partly because he wasn’t telling his stories, which I do.  Still, the thing with most CBC music programs this summer is that they’re hard to review.  It’s impossible to review The Circuit when it spends its ninety minutes culling bits from The Winnipeg Folk Festival.  I’m not even going to attempt to review the shows that are comprised of 100% FURNER content, but only because I’m reviewing CBC shows and something from NPR does not count as CBC content in my eyes no matter how quality the content.  This year is such a grab bag compared to last year.  My measured cynicism is being challenged.

To me, this is a strange summer season for CBC Radio.  The show that I thought would be a lock – that’d be the advertising show, to recap – has a dull-as-dishwater host.  Three weeks in, I have realized that the advertising clips are the best part of O’Reilly on Advertising, and the B+ I gave to the show was premature.  It’s still a good show, but as a radio host Terry O’Reilly is a damn good advertising executive.  Deep Night seems amateur to me, Station to Station is actually worth something and I actually don’t hate one of the two native-oriented programs that CBC Radio obviously found important enough to cut into The Current‘s running time.  Either I’m going soft or the programming isn’t too adventurous this year.  I’m assuming both excuses to be equally valid.

THE RED EDGE | Actually, The Red Edge isn’t that bad.  The show doesn’t seem to shy away from social issues that weaker shows would brush under the rug, and it seems to know what its purpose is on the schedules.  The hip-hop artist that I heard on one program didn’t interest me, but The Red Edge seems to remain liberal-minded without falling into an easy victim culture mindset.  The show isn’t as good as Dead Dog Café (which is the standard for native CBC programs, to hell with that show being a comedy) but The Red Edge manages to get its politics across while challenging them within the context of the show.  Honestly, it’s nice to hear a show that doesn’t try way too hard to force its diversity down the audience’s brainpan.  I hope The Red Edge keeps this trend up. ¤ B-

FIRST VOICE | I caught this show on a bad day.  A feature length documentary about indigenous erotica that told me, essentially, that natives are just as interested in stories about muscled, shaven Harlequin men and lovelorn, horny women as everyone else?  WOW!  Good grief, that’s diversity!  Hey guys, it’s erotica.  I’m not saying that erotica is an invalid genre, or that it’s essentially softcore pornography for the desperate wanks out there.  Still, the books are more often than not poorly written, and I can’t understand how scratching out the name Brawny Q. Lumberjack and replacing it with Kinikuk T. Eaglepants brings a whole new dimension to hot ‘n’ heavy bodies heavin’ and glistenin’.  This show is the more conventional of the native-oriented CBC programs, and it’s just there. ¤ C

DEEP NIGHT | I love the “you might also like” links for this show.  Deep Night is supposed to be this Twilight Zone contemporary, so obviously I should also be interested in Tom Stone and Doctor Who.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t Tom Stone cancelled a year or two ago?  Wasn’t Tom Stone also a detective show that had little or nothing to do with anything supernatural?  I’m not even going to go into the recommendation of two television shows for fans of a radio thriller anthology, but I guess I’m asking too much from the MotherCorp.  I’m apparently spoiled enough.
 
As for the show itself, I didn’t like the show I listened to.  It was full of that wonderful CBC Radio acting, and if you’ve heard CBC players do radio drama you’ll know what I’m talking about.  If you don’t, suffice it to say that no one’s really acting – the actors sound more like they’re giving dispassionate line readings, which is likely what they’re actually doing.  Maybe I’ve caught the show on an off night, or maybe (and I’m assuming this to jibe more with the truth) this show is standard CBC Radio drama and that it rarely gets better than this.  Either way, I’m not impressed with Deep Night so far.  At least this show isn’t Promo Girl bad, though.  That’s a positive thing to say about Deep Night, I guess. ¤ C

LA SUITE ROYALE |  IT’S VIVA VARIETY!  STARRING MR. AND THE FORMER MRS. LAUPIN AND SPECIAL GUEST SEÑOR X!  FEATURING THE SWIMSUIT SQUAD, AND YOUR COOL-ASS PAL JOHNNY BLUEJEANS!  Honestly, what did I say this show was going to be, a lounge music show?  That’s exactly what this show is.  I’m not impressed.  I know I should be a little more openminded, but I fail to see how this differs from standard CBC Radio Two programming.  Then again, I guess that’s the show’s purpose – aural wallpaper.  I hate to be so hard on CBC Radio programs, but I don’t like when the creatives are slumming, either. ¤ D

STATION TO STATION |  I don’t like the female host on this program, and Station To Station is the pop version of Global Village.  Still, this show could stick around for a while.  The whole “global pop charts” claim is a bit of a lie – the show I heard focused on friggin’ Oasis and Esthero a bit too much – but, on the whole, there seems to be some consistency within S2S‘ format.  The formula seems a little too whitebread at this point in S2S‘ history, but I’m actually interested in hearing how this formula evolves.  I hope this show acknowledges how popular death metal is in Europe (not that CBC Radio gives a flip about that sort of music, as it doesn’t bounce on the happy fun-time bouncy diversity ball very well) and/or continues to give accurate displays of the popular music scenes in different countries.  This is one of those rare shows CBC Radio does that could end up showing an accurate portrayal of what people are listening to, as opposed to the “YOU LIKE RAP AND GENERALLY AWFUL POST-ROCK AND GLAM POP!” force-feeding that CBC Radio 3 is infamous for.
 
Yes, I said infamous.  Grant Lawrence makes me retch. ¤ B-

TUNE IN TOMORROW AS I, UH, DO SOMETHING ELSE – LIKE TRY TO BE MORE CREATIVE, AND JUNK

Keep in mind these are preliminary reviews.  I know I need to be less accessible and ignore readers’ pleas for clearer language while I go on about how amazing the word “bloviate” is and start a contest about it.

Yes, I heard The Sunday Edition today.  I also listened to Siege of Hate and the Benümb/Premonitions of War split last night.  I’m complex.

Honestly, this is why I can’t stand CBC Radio’s attitude towards programming.  I have no problem with Michael Enright using the occasional ten-dollar word on The Sunday Edition, since that’s a part of his hosting style.  The Sunday Edition appeals to the highly educated blowhards of Canada and I can tolerate Enright’s pompous, look-how-intellectual-I-am attitude towards hosting.  Like anything CBC, though, the network ignores the crux of the argument posited by a listener – that Enright assumes the listeners are as intelligent as he feels he is, when it is his job as a host to describe intelligent concepts to the less knowing.  To that end, The Sunday Edition blows the argument off and starts some armchair etymologist contest where listeners look for obscure words to revive for a modern audience.  Just starting the contest would have been fine, but CBC just had to dismiss thoughtful negative comments about its programming while the iron was hot.  That’s just not scrumtrelescent.  Or cromulent.

This ties in to CBC programming as a whole.  Instead of disseminating intelligent concepts in a way that people of “normal” intelligence can understand, the listener is supposed to gravitate toward the concepts.  CBC programs sometimes take the attitude that the listener is dumb, and if he/she can’t understand and/or agree with what the host is saying the person’s a knuckle-scratching moron.  It’s the attitude I see with “pop culture” tastemakers all the time – if you like something other than what they think is cool, you’re a goddamn retard and should be sent in a concentration camp where your kind die in a fire like your heroes Great White.  I’m Right, You’re Wrong.  Shut Up.  Shut Up.  Shut Up.

That was a generalizing rant, of course.  I still don’t generalize as much as CBC Radio.  HYOOO!

O’REILLY ON ADVERTISING | I’ve only listened to eight or so minutes of the first program but it’s as good as I thought it would be.  See, the program works because Teddy O’Reilly has that rare CBC trait that I see from Bob McDonald on Quirks and Quarks and precious few other MomCo employees – he knows what he’s talking about, and he explains it to an audience in clear, concise language.  The show’s not without its faults – O’Reilly on Advertising feels like a long-form Definitely Not the Opera segment and O’Reilly is, at this point, a bit wooden as a host.  Still, one episode in and I honestly think this show could last a few years.  The show simply does not have the CBC homogeneity to it and Terry O’Reilly’s one of the best hosts I’ve heard from CBC Radio in years.  Hopefully the show won’t turn shit a few episodes in, which I honestly doubt it will. ¤ B+

SIMPLY SEAN | What the hell happened here?  So Simply Sean is an hour of Sean Cullen playing his favourite music?  This is it?  What a waste of talent.  I realize the show is early in its run yet, but the show is boring, to be honest about it.  The show feels like someone just went up to Sean Cullen, said “here’s CBC scale, go play your favourite albums” and that’s it.  The Summer Waves initiative this year feels incredibly conservative – this is the time of year where CBC Radio should be experimenting with programming, and the executives decide to fill the Go slot with what amounts to Sean Cullen’s RadioSonic.  Maybe it will improve in the coming weeks, but Sean Cullen has been more entertaining and funnier than this.  Let the man cut loose.  He has to be as bored with the format you gave him as I am.  He certainly sounds it. ¤ C

LOST AND FOUND | Not bad, not good.  Lost and Found is a show without a format, sure, but I’ll admit that it’s better than the Live 8 MORathon that followed – that’s not saying much, but the first episode of Lost and Found wasn’t bad.  The show’s deathly dull but an interview segment with Tom Green saved the first episode from total meaninglessness.  Tom Green seems like the genuine performer and person he is (although he’s made a lot of dumb decisions in the past, I can’t put that past him) and even though he’s selling a new book he didn’t come across as shilling or promoting himself, which of course he was.  Maybe my feelings on the man are coloured by his naming his book Hollywood Causes Cancer, but Tom Green is not a stupid man despite his cable show schtick suggesting otherwise.  The interview gave an insight into Green that Green’s cries of “BOOBY BOOBY BOOBY BOOBY” never could.  The rest of the show was filled with the event of some guy making 96 out of 100 free throws and other stuff.  WOW, WHAT ENTHRALLING RADIO.  EX.  CI.  TING. ¤ C

PROMO GIRL IN “THE CASE OF THE WASTED THIRTY MINUTES” | This whole show exists as an omnibus for a long-form contest, nothing more.  It’s a lazy way to fill thirty minutes, which ties in with this whole “CBC not trying hard enough to come up with decent summer programming” theme.  I despise this show with a loathing I’ve only ever had for What a Week and National Pastime.  CBC needs to try harder than this. ¤ F

FUSE | Bandwidth is a rather okay program – it’s not like the show is going to play Whitehouse or Sheer Terror but it’s better than the Radio 3 standard in that Bandwidth is local, while Radio 3 is mainly “let’s run through Exclaim! and Spin and see what ‘the kids’ are into.”  Fuse, though – see, the show only works if the subjects are different from each other, because the “pop singer meets pop singer but AH, THIS SINGER’S JUST A BIT DIFFERENT” format doesn’t work.  Most of the featured guests on the Fuse website are the typical CBC musical guests – Feist, Hawksley Workman, Mighty Popo etc.  The guy who wrote “Sugar Sugar” and some tone-deaf schlub from Three Gut Records aren’t exactly awe-inspiring musical guests, guys.  I refer to the Neil Young/Gary Numan model again, because this show needs to be more incorrigible with its format (and because Neil Young diddled with synths before, so it’s not a stretch for him to be paired with Numan.)  I’m not looking for matchups like DRI/Forgotten Rebels, but Randy and Tal Bachman?  How cheap are the executives at CBC Radio? ¤ C

TUNE IN TOMORROW AS I THROW MIDGETS OFF A BRIDGE!  FUN!  BLOVIATING!

Yes, I’m taking a break from the whining about every network in existence to yammer on about something I should pretend not to like.  Then again, my tastes have always been weird and I love to comment on how CBC Radio doesn’t seem to understand how to create a half-decent radio program as if most people somehow care about my opinion or something.  Then again, when I see this article from The Globe and Mail – I apologize for linking to The Public Airwaves, shills for the CBC as they obviously are – and read this quote, it really makes me wonder about CBC Radio’s (or Brad Wheeler’s) grip on how to appeal to a younger audience:

The Saturday evening Vinyl Tap begins its 10-week run on July 2, and although the program airs an hour earlier than Finkleman’s 45s did (7 p.m., as opposed to 8 p.m.), the younger, hipper Bachman, aged 61, is essentially replacing the quirky, elder Finkleman, 62.

Read that to yourself.  “…the younger, hipper Bachman, aged 61, is essentially replacing the quirky, elder Finkleman, 62.”  That has to be a joke on Wheeler’s part.  Randy Bachman is one year younger than Danny Finkleman and somehow his show will appeal to a totally different audience?  They’re both playing rock and roll standards from the 1950′s, for god’s sake!  The only difference between the two programs seems to be that Bachman isn’t going to whine about how toothbrushes have gone downhill in quality and how his back hurts!  Oh, but “younger kids” like BTO.  The thought processes of a national government-funded broadcaster, they never steer you wrong.

Anyway, I’ve decided to do a little preview of CBC Radio’s summer output.  I will review some of their shows later, and this year I’ll promise to balance this with reviews of competing radio media – hopefully, my depression/ennui will be quashed enough by then to care about things people actually give a shit about, like wrestling and/or tits.  You know why I do this – to become popular with a lefty and/or righty Internet crowd, gain some actual money for this writing business and then sell out to join the writing staff of dose.  You think I’m doing this for URBMN simply because I like writing about media?  Screw that!  I WANT TO BE AN ANTONIA ZERBASIAS SYCOPHANT!  LIKE MARC WEISBLOTT!

That was a joke, by the way (and a bad in-joke at the best of times.)  I try not to lean too left or right an awful lot.  That doesn’t mean I’m apolitical, but I tend to be best when I’m playing subjective/objective.  It helps with credibility.

AMERICAN MAVERICKS
CBC SAYS: American Mavericks features the iconoclastic, tradition-breaking composers who shaped the development of American music.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: Hooray, APR filler’s back.  I don’t really hate this show, but I can’t believe CBC Radio doesn’t just rip off the show instead of buying it from the US.  At least American Mavericks is airing on CBC Radio Two, which really needs all the contemporary programs it can get these days.  I’ll never understand how playing classical music in the morning, jazz at night and whatever passes for cutting-edge post-punk and electronic music after 12:05/on weekends is a winning combination to the network.  Is it asking too much for a death metal/grindcore program on the CBC, or are they going to ignore all but the more desirable niche audiences?  Campus radio is more hip, and most of it can be damn near unlistenable at times.

Give me a show!  I OWN YOU!

BEST OF OUTFRONT
CBC SAYS: The most compelling stories from the past season of Outfront.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: Filler to cut into As It Happens’ running time on Tuesdays.  Standard CBC-level leftist dogma, you can’t get enough of it.  You should, but CBC Radio is more stupid than evil as dogma goes.

THE CIRCUIT
CBC SAYS: Sun-drenched doses of blues, rock, roots, world beat and more from Canada’s best summer festivals. And some of the country’s finest classical and jazz performances.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: Grab-bag of the same old musical crap that CBC Radio is well known for.  It doesn’t air this enough in the fall, then?

At least the show couldn’t be as bad as The CBC Festival of Funny.  How many names and formats will CBC Radio give its grab-bag comedy show, anyway?

CONNECTIONS
CBC SAYS: Connections features the best documentaries from public broadcasters around the world, including Netherlands, Australia, New Zealand and Great Britain.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: CBC Overnight Service Prime Time.  Considering how much CBC Radio promotes its summer schedule, is this really necessary?  Man, does CBC Radio love its filler.  Millions of dollars and this is the quality of program Canadians get.  Wonderful.

DEEP NIGHT
CBC SAYS: The return of spine tingling radio. Deep Night is an anthology of ten new thrillers with a twist of the fantastic.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: This could be good.  CBC Radio doesn’t do a bad job on these radio thrillers.  I don’t listen to this stuff, but this has more potential to be entertaining than…well, The Circuit.  $10 says George Buza will be featured in at least three episodes.

FIRST VOICE
CBC SAYS: A series of programs with a new take on Aboriginal issues.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: One of two aboriginal programs on the summer schedules.  Why CBC Radio can’t lump the two shows together, I’ll never understand.  Is it that hard to put a program schedule together when there’s almost no competition for what CBC Radio does?  This just seems like overarching to sate a desired minority.  Two shows for the aboriginals, no shows for the Inuit.  Unfair.

FUSE
CBC SAYS: What happens when you throw two hot songwriters together in a studio in front of a live studio audience? Sparks fly and ignite something brand spanking new.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: Wow, CBC Radio found the nerve to both rip off In The Fishtank and leave room for a possible lawsuit from the station formerly known as MuchMusic USA?  Neat!  Do Neil Young and Gary Numan!

GLOBAL PERSPECTIVES
CBC SAYS: Global Perspectives is a theme-based documentary program featuring documentaries from around the world. This year’s theme is romance.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: More documentary filler.  How much is CBC Radio given for programs, anyway?  Is CBC Radio always this cheap?

LA SUITE ROYALE
CBC SAYS: The perfect soundtrack for your sophisticated lifestyle.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: Probably a swing and lounge music show.  How am I supposed to know with this vague detail CBC Radio gives me?  Is CBC Radio even trying to come up with a decent summer schedule this year, or is it just throwing out wall sods?

LOST AND FOUND
CBC SAYS: Life is made up of the lost and found. Lost & Found explores personal stories on everything from confidence and identity, to love and luggage.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: One of those sufficiently vague shows CBC Radio does from time to time that will surely be renewed for at least five seasons (i.e., this year’s Bunny Watson or Wiretap.)  I’m happy that the show will carve off a portion of Definitely Not The Opera‘s four-hour time block, but is there honestly a show here?  This seems more like a rushed brain fart.

O’REILLY ON ADVERTISING
CBC SAYS: O’Reilly on Advertising offers a rare cook’s tour of the Ad Game. More than good, it’s good for you, it is a great weekly source of Media Literacy.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: Aside from the lecture CBC Radio gives me about how I should be educated, this could be the breakout show of the summer.  It’s different from what CBC Radio is doing most of the time and its promo clip begins with an Orson Welles outtake.  There’s too much of the CBC Radio “feel” here from the promo clip.  Get off the soapbox, and O’Reilly on Advertising will immediately become one of the best CBC Radio shows of the 2000′s.

I wish CBC could do more shows like this.  Really.

PROMO GIRL IN THE MYSTERY OF…
CBC SAYS: This summer, Promo Girl has a mystery to solve a mystery that will play out across the Radio One schedule all summer long.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: God, a show based around the CBC Radio promo voiceover?  Promo Girl is one of the most annoying things about CBC Radio right now.  When this gimmick debuted last summer it was mildly cute, but her schtick has already grown amazingly tired.  Most of the things I hate about CBC Radio are ignorable, but EVERY HALF HOUR BEFORE THE NEWS Promo Girl’s incessantly forced voiceover spiels make me want to kill this woman.  Is CBC Radio purposely trying to give me an aneurysm?

RANDY BACHMAN’S VINYL TAP
CBC SAYS: Two hours of music and stories from one of Canada’s musical legends, Randy Bachman. Randy plays his favourite songs and tells stories from his life on the road and in the studio.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: Finkleman’s 45s with a more entertaining host.  Come on, anyone expecting different probably thinks my 58-year-old father is too “out there” to sustain a two-hour music program.  Bachman’s not going to play The Nihilist Spasm Band, now!

THE RED EDGE
CBC SAYS: A new half-hour of ‘totally aboriginal’ radio from Winnipeg. Get to know some of Canada’s most outstanding and outspoken aboriginal innovators, artists and educators.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: See First Voice.  Alternatively, watch APTN where they’re not wanting but for hours of this panel/doco stuff.

ROUTES MONTREAL
CBC SAYS: Routes Montreal features local and nationally known Canadian songwriters recorded live in studio at CBC Montreal.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: “We couldn’t come up with better shows for the summer, so here’s a bog-standard music show produced by one of our local affiliates.  Enjoy!”

SIMPLY SEAN
CBC SAYS: Join legendary Canadian comic Sean Cullen every Saturday morning this summer for an hour of great music and off the wall observations.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: Sean Cullen is one of the best comedians Canada has, and he has the talent to make it internationally (the ‘legend’ part, though…premature.  At least right now.)  Why he’s slumming it on CBC Radio in the Go slot, popular as the show is, is a mystery.  I don’t understand why CBC Radio wouldn’t give him a proper sketch comedy show like CBC Television did a year ago.  Look, the man’s genuinely funny and he deserves more than the formula music/talk hybrid common to MomCo.  Let’s see what he does with the format.  If he replaces Brent Bambury in some way, Sean Cullen will have done CBC Radio programming a huge favour.

SHUFFLE
CBC SAYS: Shuffle is your personal music mix, a showcase for the brand-new sounds of Canada.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: Wow!  A contemporary music program on Radio Two?  On Monday?  Can Radio Two do that?

Seriously, shouldn’t CBC Radio petition the CRTC for a third radio network these days?  Either go whole hog and contemporize Radio Two or get off the whole Radio 3 kick.  Man, this network.

SKYLARKIN’
CBC SAYS: When Andre Alexis isn’t writing novels, he’s usually listening to music, all kinds of music, from classical to world to Western swing.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: Oh god, not Andre Alexis!  What is with CBC Radio that it gives this man an unfocused program where he’s going to start telling his crappy stories to the radio audience?  Worse off, the show has this stupid title that has to have been ripped off from five seconds of listening to XTC.  I won’t be listening to this, I assure you.

SPOTLIGHT: BEST OF THE WORLD
CBC SAYS: The best programs from public broadcasters worldwide, presented in their entirety.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: Yet more budget programming.  CBC’s doing an awful lot of it these days.  Seriously, the CBC needs a charity drive or two.

STATION TO STATION
CBC SAYS: An energetic romp through the top of the music charts from around the world.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: Looks to me like a popular-music version of Global Village.  Man, what a weak summer schedule.  How many ideas do CBC Radio execs have in their collective idea pool, three?

TALKING BOOKS
CBC SAYS: Do you enjoy stimulating conversation about great books? Then Talking Books is for you. The summer run will feature the best episodes from the past season.
WHAT IT IS, REALLY: Ooh, panel discussion!  I can understand the show’s audience, though.  Ian Brown’s good at this Imprint-type stuff, so I’ll overlook it.  Discussing the merits of an Alice Munro novel is really not my thing, but at least the show doesn’t feature bloody Promo Girl.

Remember, the summer season begins June 27.  WWE’s schedules, though, are year-round.  Watch WWE Raw® 9PM Mondays on TSN!

As long as I’m shilling…now gimme some money.