Canadian Comedy Shorts (The Comedy Network: twelfth season premiered Sunday, July 11, 2010, 10:30 PM ET/PT) is another of those series that I think CTVglobemedia is burning off, not that CTVgm will admit to this.

The copyright date for the new shorts compilation says 2009.  It’s summer, you know?  Unsold pilots bloom.  Reality television is in season.  Programs are dumped onto schedules seemingly at random.  At least CCS isn’t as bad as Upload Yours, which is like saying rectal itch is better than a coma.

Cogswell (Diane) | Cogswell (Diane) is a filmed version of a one-person monologue by Stephanie Domet.  I have no idea what it’s doing on a show called Canadian Comedy Shorts.  Cogswell (Diane) is a decent monologue, but there’s nothing but dry humour in a piece where a woman talks about living in a low-rent neighbourhood.  This piece belongs on Bravo! or CBC.

Cogswell (Diane) kicks off an odd trend for Canadian Comedy Shorts this year.  I’m not sure if CCS has aired reruns its past few years, but Cogswell (Diane) is from 2006.  Wouldn’t a better idea be to debut clips for a season premiere?  Maybe it’s me.

The Woodsmen: “Potato Cult” | CTV publicist Sara McLaren tells me this season of Canadian Comedy Shorts features a mix of acquired shorts, all-new items and reruns.  ”Potato Cult” is a rerun from 2006.

The Woodsmen is a very [adult swim] sketch.  Random things happen.  The production values are almost nil.  Hell, The Woodsmen uses Syncro-Vox-esque moving mouths over largely static “animation.”

Frankly, this series tries too hard for an Aqua Teen Hunger Force/Sealab 2021 vibe.  I’m turned off by it.  Even [adult swim] deviates from the absurdist formula with The Venture Bros., The Boondocks and Squidbillies.

I know I’m referencing Squidbillies, by the way.  That show’s about southern American rednecks.  What is The Woodsmen about?  Wasting money?  Potatoes?  Help me out here.

Holy War Dance Party | This is a two-and-a-half-minute song about…well, the title gives it away.  Here’s the Youtube link and the link to the Holy War Dance Party site.

The HWDP Youtube link has earned around 45,000 views over three years.  It’s caught on somewhat, though HWDP is nowhere near the level of Powerthirst.  Dancing for peace is nowhere near as fun as having gratuitous amounts of energy.  Holy War Dance Party should have been made with real lightening.

From the Desk of Ron Sparks: “CN Tower” | From 2004.  Why does The Comedy Network need to air something from more than half a decade ago?  I like Ron Sparks, but I hate rehashes of material this old.  At least Video on Trial, Ed the Sock and Life’s a Zoo.tv have kept Sparks in blow.

From the Desk of Ron Sparks‘ concept is simple.  Sparks writes fake letters to real addresses.  Here, Sparks wants to jump off the CN Tower in a superhero costume.  The piece is slight but entertaining.  I’ve seen better and worse from Ron Sparks.

Check Up | Nathan Fielder saves this CCS episode with his awkward comedy.  Fielder goes to the doctor for a checkup.  Everything is fine until the doctor wants to check his prostate.

The sketch idea isn’t new, but Fielder sells fear very well.  No sane man wants a male doctor to touch his meat and two veg.  It’s one of the few evergreen societal taboos.  In lesser hands, Check Up would be cheap comedy.  In Fielder’s hands, mundane awkwardness is made an art form.

Nathan Fielder now writes for Important Things with Demetri Martin.  I wish Canada would find a use for Fielder beyond nailing him to the side of This Hour Has 22 Minutes.  The Comedy Network has given him an hour-long special, which isn’t enough.

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Yikes.  Four segments from 2007 or earlier?  Seriously, how does The Comedy Network swing that?  ZeD showed its share of older clips, but at least it had the good sense to air quality shorts like Flying Saucer Rock’n'Roll.  That was ZeD‘s thing.  It was free-form television.  Canadian Comedy Shorts isn’t.

Maybe I don’t understand CCS‘ format, having watched it for the first time in 2010.  It’s just lazy to build a program over one newish clip and four older ones.  Two or three new clips an episode, fine.  A clip from 2004?  That’s like Teletoon airing Quads! in 2009.

I hope CCS’ next episode improves from the season premiere.  I’d like to see more than one new short per episode.  I don’t even care if one-or-two-year-old shorts are shown.  I just don’t like when CCS shorts are used as blatant filler.  I don’t know who would.

Warren the Ape (MTV2: premiered Saturday, June 19, 2010, 9:00 PM ET) has the misfortune to be on MTV2 in Canada.  You either have to be on MuchMusic or MTV to catch this country’s basic-cable audience.  The Hard Times of RJ Berger is the priority import, so Warren the Ape is shunted to a digital cable channel.

Warren the Ape deserves better.  This is one of the few intelligent shows MTV has greenlit in years.  MTV used to pull this stuff out of its collective butt in the 1990s and early 2000s – Beavis and Butt-head, Liquid Television, The Maxx, Daria, The Sifl and Olly Show, Clone High, even The Head and Undergrads.  I don’t want to know how MTV got from this to Jersey Shore.

Yeah, fuck you, I sound old.  If you haven’t seen The Maxx, you wouldn’t understand.

Greg the Bunny (voice of Dan Milano) appears in the screener I received from CTVglobemedia.  Without revealing too much about “Abstinence,” which aired in America on Monday, June 21, Warren Demontague (Milano) tries to get eternal naïf Greg laid.  Warren is not to have sex for a month as per Dr. Drew Pinsky’s recommendation.  This proves to be the eternal struggle for Warren, so he tries to imprint Greg with a Warren-esque libido.

Greg acts like a typical comic book nerd, which isn’t quite the characterization I remember from the Fox and IFC shows.  Warren is still Warren on this show, all abruptness and lechery.  Greg the Bunny fans should feel right at home with Warren the Ape.

Warren the Ape isn’t as funny as the Fox version of Greg the Bunny, but that’s due more to MTV than anything else.  Greg the Bunny accommodated Eugene Levy and Seth Green.  Warren the Ape has to work in Dr. Drew.  I don’t care who hates Levy and/or Green.  From them to Dr. Drew is a quality drop.

Luckily, Drew is a peripheral figure.  Warren can obviously carry the show, as his personality traits are recognizably human.  Warren has problems, and he deals with them in the worst ways possible.  He’s still an ape puppet wearing a football helmet, so he gets away with his crapulence.

Warren the Ape parodies celebrity rehab shows, yet doesn’t feel like a rehash of past mockumentaries.  This is a good thing.  WtA feels like a rehash of Fox’s Greg the Bunny, which is a better thing.  Somehow, Warren the Ape maintains Greg the Bunny‘s ability to derive great comedy from social mores, which I don’t expect from any post-Clone High MTV show.

I’ll be honest.  I was expecting the worst from Warren the Ape.  Greg the Bunny is so good that a berth on MTV smacks of illogic, especially given that network’s love for cloning jackass and The Real World.  I wasn’t expecting the best possible outcome for WtA.  If MTV can’t kill Greg the Bunny, nothing can.

American ratings for Warren the Ape are anemic so far.  Great.  It’s 2002 all over again.  WtA‘s too well-written for it to go down this way, but MTV is usually where intelligent humour goes to die – Human Giant notwithstanding.

Here’s a clip from “Abstinence” where Warren attempts to play Dungeons and Dragons.  Not surprisingly, he’s not very good at it.  Watch out for the fat kid summoning the ghouls of…whatever the hell he yells.  He’s summoning ghouls.  That’s all you need to know.

In 2005, I called Comedy Inc. (CTV: fifth season premiered Saturday, June 12, 10:30 PM ET/PT) “relatively decent.”  In 2010, I recant that statement entirely.  I should have actually watched more than an episode or two of the show back in 2005, but URBMN wasn’t a television site back then.  That Comedy Inc. is still an ongoing concern amazes me.

Why does Comedy Inc. continue to be renewed when there is such passionate hatred for it?  Its cheapness doesn’t explain a five-season run.  History Bites is similarly cheap, and attracts its fair share of hate.  History Bites also has fans, since that show doesn’t talk down to its audience.

Comedy Inc. can make decent comedians like Winston Spear and Gavin Stephens look like they’re shit.  This isn’t very hard to do, as the show is made up of stand-up comedians performing sketch comedy.  Why is the show formatted this way when the format has never worked?  Even after five seasons, Comedy Inc. suffers from terrible timing.

The fifth-season premiere of Comedy Inc. is more of the same from this show.  The sketches are all obvious and/or rely on shock humour.  The comics overplay their roles.  Three sketches are the exact same “psychiatrist talks to animals” gag, with no variation.

The laugh track is pasted on, making the sketches seem even worse than they already are.  If you’ve seen Comedy Inc., you know how this show plays on television, and I feel for you.

Also, what is with that overbearing laugh track?!  It’s used on both Comedy Inc. and Comedy Now!  A 2010 show shouldn’t look and sound like a second-generation dupe of Royal Canadian Air Farce circa 1995.

I blame Sandra Faire for this show.  She’s the executive producer of both this and Comedy Now!  Ivan Fecan is president and CEO of CTVglobemedia.  Faire and Fecan are married.  It doesn’t take a genius to see the conflict of interest.  Even if Fecan and Faire keep business and personal relations separate, Faire doesn’t improve the quality of her shows.

The premiere episode of Comedy Inc.‘s fifth season has a 2008 copyright.  That’s never a good sign.  I guess CTV wants shot of Comedy Inc. once and for all.  Why even air the season, in that case?  Burn it off on Star! or something.  Don’t air Comedy Inc. on CTV, where people will watch it.

Comedy Inc. is the closest thing to welfare Canadian television offers.  I honestly hope this is the show’s final season.  If Comedy Inc. makes it to a sixth season, then there is no hope for the industry.

Television is once again in its summer phase, with all the reruns, reality shows and all-purpose filler your heart rejects.  Upload Yours (The Comedy Network: debuted Thursday, June 3 at 10:30 ET/PT) carries on this yearly tradition in style.  It wouldn’t be The Comedy Network without its usual bit of cheaply-produced CanCon.

Upload Yours‘ debut features the works of Josh Rachlis, Pot of Coffee, Lars Classington, Jeff D’Silva and Perrodue5.  Kelsey Anonsen performs some scats, earning four segments for some reason.

Josh Rachlis’ “An Inconvenient Proposal” is Upload Yours’ best sketch so far.  It’s a white boy rap, but Rachlis forms the rap around his hard-on for An Inconvenient Truth producer Laurie David.  His Upload Yours clip is well-edited and professional, if a bit obsessive over Larry David’s ex-wife.

Maybe it’s just me, but an 11-minute show shouldn’t have three white boy rappers.  Too many segments are wasted on one man’s deliberately bad attempt at scatting.  This is what Upload Yours considers a dynamite first episode?  Seriously?  Upload Yours‘ debut has very little variety.

I don’t have anything against the people who submit clips to the Upload Yours website.  At least Upload Yours brings forth some people not generally seen on The Comedy Network, but I’m not stupid enough to think UY is anything more than time filler.

What can I really expect from a site where the best-rated clips are termed Monster Balls?  Screw Funny or Die’s straightforward ratings system.  This is The Comedy Network!  They need to base popularity on testicle size!  Eh, at least TCN’s not reviving Popcultured…this year.

The first episode of Ed the Sock’s This Movie Sucks! (CHCH/CHEK/CJNT/Silver Screen Classics/Movieola: debuted May 29 at midnight ET/PT) is strictly amateur-hour, not the best of comebacks for Ed the Sock.  The show promises a celebration of bad movies.  All This Movie Sucks! celebrates in its initial outing is how half-baked it is.

Ed and Liana K are flanked by Ron Sparks, Andrew Young and Charlene Zacks.  Ed makes with the insults.  Liana throws popcorn, while Sparks and Young lob token wisecracks.  Bride of the Gorilla is screened, largely free of Ed’s cutting wit.

This doesn’t play to Ed’s strengths, since Bride of the Gorilla is boring as hell.  Raymond Burr is cursed by a witch doctor, becoming a gorilla mentally and/or physically.  It’s a weregorilla film that half-asses on the monster itself.  Bride of the Gorilla cries out for a riffing that never comes.

I don’t know what to make of Charlene.  She’s gap-toothed and awkward.  I’m not even sure if she’s acting.  Charlene and Ed play off each other, not that it makes This Movie Sucks!‘ debut more watchable.

This Movie Sucks!‘ debut goes for a Dinner and a Movie-type format, the worst format a show like this could pick.  Ron Sparks is almost completely wasted.  Even Ed the Sock creator Steven Kerzner states how bad the first episode is in the closing credits, calling TMS!‘ debut a “beta test.”

This touch-and-go approach to show creation is almost gone from North American television.  This Movie Sucks!‘ debut should have been better thought out, but this is CHCH in the Channel Zero era.  You can painfully see the feeling-out process firsthand.  At least This Movie Sucks! is honest about its own shittiness.

Here are the first four minutes of This Movie Sucks!, from CHCHnewsfan’s Youtube account.  I wonder if Charlene Zacks will appear on This Movie Sucks! in the future.  She might be to TMS! what Beeper is to Mystery Science Theater 3000.

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The second episode of This Movie Sucks! has Ed and Liana K embrace the Mystery Science Theater 3000 house style.  The riffing on TMS! isn’t nearly as clever as on MST3K, but it’s adequate enough.  After TMS!‘ first episode, there’s nowhere to go but up.

Wraparounds for the second episode have Ed and the gang attend Anime North 2010.  Ed explains that the studio shoot for this episode is so terrible, they’re scrambling to fill time.  Young and Sparks are still around, yet Zacks is nowhere to be seen.  Thirty minutes of airtime have also been excised.

Attack from Space is the target of Ed and Liana’s riffing.  The “film” stitches together two Super Giant short films, The Artificial Satellite and the Destruction of Humanity and The Spaceship and the Clash of the Artificial Satellite.  Super Giant is redubbed Starman for American audiences.

The dubbing is of 1960s standard.  Dialogue is heavy.  A narrator neatly delineates the plot – well, as much of it as he can, considering Attack from Space‘s ill-thought-out nature.  We’re talking about a film where Starman’s wings flap in the vacuum of space.  Attack from Space deteriorates from there.

I hope future episodes of This Movie Sucks! use the second episode’s format.  Riffing is familiar Ed the Sock territory, a fact Fromage viewers well know.  Young and Sparks should also be riffing, since they’re comedians, but the show’s format is not yet etched in stone.

The Anime North footage is an excuse for Liana K to cosplay.  There are some half-decent moments, like when Ed tries to sell conventioneers on the wonders of Everyburger, pork jerky and Cream Collon.

The fans are initially put off by odd examples of Japanese food culture.  That’s so much better than Ed the Sock constantly referencing an overexposed YouTube clip in the first episode.  Come on, Cream Collon!

I hope This Movie Sucks! improves from its second episode.  For one thing, CHCH isn’t going to turf TMS! for more badly-dubbed martial arts films.  TMS! might as well be the best damn Mystery Science Theater 3000 ripoff it can be.  What does This Movie Sucks! have to lose?

As a bonus, here’s a poor-quality clip of Ed the Sock at Anime North 2010.  Watch as Cafe Delish gives love to a dessert tray.  It’s otakuriffic!

In the year and change I’ve written about television for URBMN, CBC has never aired a standalone pilot that has gone on to become a series…until now.  B Team (CBC: Buffalo Gal Pictures/Company Name Here Productions/Vérité Films, 2009) has made series, as InSecurity.

I’m not sure if B Team is a preview of what will air on CBC in 2010-11.  If it is, then I don’t have hope for InSecurity.  B Team is an unfunny execution of a surprisingly good concept.

B Team is set at the Canadian Intelligence and Security Establishment, the fictitious government organization du jour.  CISE has functions similar to other spy agencies.  Alex Taylor (Natalie Lisinska) leads her team into mediocrity, though no fault of her own.

Alex is too nice, allowing herself to be pushed around by boss Janet Brown (Veena Sood.)  The pilot helpfully points out every character’s role and/or personality traits.  Karl Lesage (Rémy Girard) is The Civil Servant.  Burt Lancaster (Matthew MacFadzean) is The Wiener.  JoJo Lum (Jeananne Goossen) is The Translator.  Lisa Hampton (Carolyne Maraghi) is The Friend, and so on.

In B Team‘s pilot, Alex is stuck monitoring a Chechen shoe salesman.  Her job isn’t glamourous, as Alex’s ex-husband Peter McNeil (David Jones) leads the respected, well-funded team.  Alex’s team mistakes yellow plasticine used on the Chechen’s model train set as C4 explosives.

Peter’s team somehow interprets the model as prelude to a real attack, and the situation devolves from there.  The espionage part of B Team isn’t that strong, the show relying on an ensemble cast to carry it.  For an action-comedy, B Team contains very little action and tons of desk jockeying.

I respect B Team for its intricate plotting, but the pilot is just not funny.  It’s the typical CBC sitcom – predictable, no laugh track, underacted in places.  B Team‘s underlying concept is solid, yet there’s little in the way of satire.  Espionage should be rife with satire.  B Team has no excuse for being as weak as it is.

I want to like B Team, but I can’t.  It’s safe, bland and almost stereotypically “Canadian.”  It’s as if B Team wants to talk about surveillance, and yet avoid the issue altogether.  That’s like Pure Pwnage not showing Jeremy pwn n00bs.  I sincerely hope InSecurity isn’t as bad as B Team, as the pilot doesn’t afford me much hope.

It’s the Stanley Cup Playoffs, and CBC needs content during the lulls between playoff rounds.  That’s right, it’s CBC Pilot Burn-Off Time again.  Memory Lanes (CBC: Memory Lanes Productions LLC, 2009) aired last week, and I’m publishing the review the week after it aired.  I try to be timely.

Memory Lanes features Ryan Stiles and Sean Masterson prominently.  Stiles should be familiar to viewers as Lewis on The Drew Carey Show.  He is a main castmember on the British and American versions of Whose Line Is It Anyway?  Masterson is Stiles’ longtime friend, appearing on Whose Line Is It Anyway? from time to time.  The two are stars/writers/executive producers, as per CanCon carte blanche laws.

Memory Lanes‘ plot is simple.  Bud Murray dies.  His two sons, Ryan (Stiles) and Sean (Masterson), each obtain half-ownership of his heavily-mortgaged bowling alley.  Ryan’s life is the alley, while Sean is a successful restaurateur.  Ryan and Sean are diametric opposites.  You should know what happens next.  You’ve seen The Odd Couple, right?

Memory Lanes is very American in its approach – laugh track, eccentric supporting cast, some crude jokes, a young girl with ‘tude.  Memory Lanes isn’t outright poor like The Good Germany, but there’s nothing notable or funny about the show.  It’s a paint-by-numbers sitcom on a network more known for paint-by-numbers sketch comedies.

Janet Wright is the best actor on Memory Lanes, remembering the good ol’ days and better ol’ sex.  Wright makes horny ex-lounge manager character Sarah Duggen work, even though Duggen is more one-dimensional than a straight line.  Giancarlo Caltabiano is also notable as Chester Wallace, the loopy bathroom attendant.

Stiles and Masterson are…well, Stiles and Masterson.  They essentially play each other.  While Stiles is okay at straight acting, he’s more at home as an improv comedian.  Masterson I’m not sure about, as I’m unfamiliar with his prior work.  They’re at least acceptable as Memory Lanes‘ stars.

I don’t think Memory Lanes would rate a pilot if Ryan Stiles was removed from the show.  There’s nothing in Memory Lanes‘ concept or execution that makes me want to watch more episodes.  It makes me wonder what CBC passed up in order to exploit Stiles’ name value.  I’ve seen worse shows on CBC, but I can’t see what the network would pair Memory Lanes with.

Memory Lanes is one more reason why CBC Television needs a massive programming enema.  In an age where sitcoms are constantly evolving, CBC airs a throwback to the 1990s.  I’d like to say I don’t get the network, but I’ve felt that way since it cancelled The Vacant Lot.

Spliced! (Teletoon: 7:00 PM ET/PT starting April 8, 2010) is part of an unwelcome trend in Teletoon’s programming.  Like The Dating Guy, Spliced! has premiered outside of its home country months before its Canadian debut.

I don’t understand why Teletoon does this.  Why withhold programming for so long?  I’m not saying I want the fourth season of The Venture Bros. the same day as [adult swim], but Teletoon has a terrible habit of letting fine wine age way after its time.  Why debut Spliced! in Latin America, of all places?

Wait, it’s the television industry.  Screw me for thinking common sense exists there.

I’m also aware that show creators Simon Racioppa and Richard Elliott have written for cartoon also-rans like Mr. Meaty, Best Ed, Pig City and Grossology.  Screw it.  I like Spliced!  It’s one of the best things going for Teletoon right now.

I realize how sweeping a statement that is, but I defend it.  Sometimes, Teletoon airs an obvious kids’ cartoon like Wayside, Johnny Test and the George of the Jungle remake.  The Total Drama franchise, Stoked and 6teen are teen-oriented sitcoms, doubling as decent ratings-grabbers for Cartoon Network.

What Teletoon hasn’t attempted is a classic Nicktoons-style show, where adults and children can watch the show on different levels.  Spliced! is currently the closest to that ideal, taking the mantle over from Jimmy Two Shoes.  Spliced! isn’t on the level of Ren & Stimpy or Bob Clampett, but few cartoons are.

“Honorary Freak” is a good enough introduction to the show.  Spliced! establishes Peri (Rob Stefaniuk) and Entrée (Joe Pingue), two of the many mutants on Keep Away Island.  The inaugural short’s plot centers around Patricia (Katie Crown), a platypus and the only normal on the island.

Patricia feels lonely because she isn’t a mutant.  Peri and Entrée decide to cheer her up, mainly by avalanching her with flowers and forcing her to fight in the Mayo-Dome.  Peri and Entrée also rap, which isn’t needed and feels out-of-place.

“Honorary Freak” lays bare Spliced!‘s desire to be SpongeBob SquarePants.  Peri and Entrée are SpongeBob and Patrick.  Patricia is a monotreme Sandy Cheeks.  Mind you, Peri and Entrée aren’t as annoying as SpongeBob and Patrick, as P&E aren’t nearly as oblivious.

“Come to the Dorkside” has its moments.  The friendship-related Aesop is a little ham-fisted, but it’s balanced out by some brainwashing gags and an obligatory reference to A Clockwork Orange.  Mister Smarty Smarts (Mike Kiss) and Octocat are Spliced!‘s nominal villains, Mister Smarty Smarts filling the Plankton role well.

I hope Spliced! sticks around.  Any show that has a male character squeeze milk out his udders deserves at least some mention.  Having typed that, I hope the lactation fetishists don’t embrace Spliced!  God knows they’re turned on enough by Rocko’s Modern Life and Cow and Chicken.