The Olden Days, When This Site Still Called Itself Unbelievably Retarded

Wednesday, March 31, 2004


Well, my ignorant bitchiness got featured in No Rock & Roll Fun. Yeah, the terrible mainstreaming of my site into a banal, meaningless void of stupidity continues. Seriously, I'm happy for the linkage, it's called The UR Blog though. For some reason that stupid aborted April Fools' joke where I said I had news and tried to offend everybody breathing has its residue in the title. At least he didn't call me a mullethead.

Oh, and more 1/10 "reviews" from Blog Hot or Not. Yeah, I didn't expect to appeal to a wide blogging audience. I sometimes forget cynicism, death metal and randomness doesn't turn on a wide crowd. I may be throwing around sour grapes but I don't place much respect on anonymous broad-based online voting systems anyway. Shit, I don't know what went on through my head on Monday. Offensiveness, drama, personal growth, revelation into my personal presentation...I have it all, dammit, doesn't that turn you on? It's more than you'll find in seventeen LiveJournals. People love their pap.

Saturday, March 27, 2004

By the way, I finally made it.

Top 10 in Google for the word "retarded." It's like a red-letter day. Almost.


You've probably noticed a difference in the blog as of recently, what with the colour redesign and all. I added a PHP commenting function from Blogkomm (I'll add the actual image link later, I had to fuck around with scripts until I found a working one - a few hours' worth of work and annoying bother, I assure you) and now the blog is in PHP. You love it.

I also am trying out two weblogging programs, Frequency and Chronicle Lite. Let's see which program wins out over the other.

Sorry for being utterly fucking boring. Honestly, read the fucking blog. It's good reading. Oh, and tell me how much I suck/how terrible my coding is. I'll be sure not to care worth two damns.

EDIT: Had to get rid of some crud from Frequency. Gotta love it.

Sunday, March 21, 2004


Tune in April 1, 2004 when something totally amazing concerning this site will occur.

April 1. Remember the date.

Saturday, March 20, 2004


Harper wins Conservative leadership

Way to go, Tories. You just threw away any chance you had at being the Liberals by electing the most ineffectual Reform/Canadian Alliance leader in history as the new leader of the Conservative Party. Seriously, I'm happy for you.

Just one more reason why I'm supporting Jack Layton come election time.

Friday, March 19, 2004


Tangents | Dave Sim

I've read the first Tangent and I just can't believe this. No, seriously, a lot of Sim's arguments are so bloody weak they're pretty much limp-wristed. I guess it's okay, though; he's talking about how bad the Void is.

Manly man, Dave Sim.

Thursday, March 18, 2004


I am the subject of a Seebelow article!

Also, I am now a proud owner of a LiveJournal. Looks like my plan to be the greatest hypocrite ever has worked. HAHAHA GENERIC YOU FELL INTO MY TRAP! EL OH FUCKING EL!

Why are people calling me a cynic all of a sudden? Shit, my favourite CD at the moment is full of fucking Napster mic in tracks! Cripes, you people! ME a cynic? Fuck right off!


Journal of the Everyday linked to me. Good for you. Seriously, I like the blog; the man has a talent for writing. I'm a shill, yes.

To future writers/commentary fiends, though: if I seem cynical at times, it's because one needs a healthy amount of pessimism to live. Some people are too naively optimistic and thus get caught in traps. Think of the people who go on American Idol who don't realise that major-label success is a crapshoot at best and the money doesn't really come in until millions of copies of the album are sold. One needs a good bullshit detector now and then.

Yeah, for some reason I was watching E Talk Daily on CTV last night. Whoever told CTV that Canada needed their own version of Access Hollywood needs to be brained. Gee, you'd think the network actively had a hand in pushing Ryan Malcolm...oh wait, it does. Shit. Personally, I prefer Rappaz in Diapaz.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004


See, this is why I want you guys to support my 'zine thingy through Paypal (that, and I run UR on the cheapest budget imaginable). You can't pay me enough for this shit.

I mean, shit, YAOI TK? What the motherfuck? How gay do you think I am?


The }<ombat Pavilion

Wow, I'm amazed at how lame and jokey you can make Mortal Kombat. Granted, I'm amazed anyone can get this much mileage out of a game where half of the characters look like four different people wearing three different outfits but that's probably just me. I mean, MK is violent and shit. Oh, there's also dragons and mythology in this game, 'coz Mortal Kombat is the zen of fighting and Scorpion's finisher is SO FUCKING COOL, MAN.

For the record, I thought the game sucked when I was twelve, too. Still, it could be yet another Sonic fanpage or worse.


Happy St. Patrick's Day! Yay, watered-down beer and jokes about the IRA. Boy, what a fucking interesting holiday.

Anyway, here's an article about the Best and Worst Comics of 2003. Superman vs. Thundercats? Look, comics continuity, you stop producing this 80's rehashing wank like this and fucking He-Man and maybe I'll respect you. Man, I just wanna brain these dipshits for thinking that was a good idea. Also, what the hell happened to Juggernaut? Don't tell me, I don't wanna know.

Man, the latest homosexuality level in comics is almost worse than the goregrind scene. ALMOST.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004


That's it. I give up. I just went to Pixelsurgeon and apparently that site is the only one left on the planet who hasn't discovered Emotion Eric. GIVE ME MONEY THROUGH PAYPAL, PEOPLE. I'M GONNA TAKE PICTURES OF MYSELF AND POST THEM ON THE WEB. LOOK, "CRAZY CAMERON!" "CAMERON EATING SHIT!" HOOHA!

What am I doing wrong? Am I not that interesting or should I pretend to be this worldly, erudite cipher? Shoulda registered cameronarcher.com, woulda made hella money off of it. Dumb gits.

Monday, March 15, 2004


Came across these files just recently (like, earlier today). One of them features Ric Flair attempting a People's Elbow and the other has Steve Austin getting hit in the face by a beer. They're both zipped, so right-click and save (or just click on the links if you have fancy shit like FreshDownload, GetRight what have ya.) Some of you hate wrestling so you can just ignore these files if you want, but...c'mon, Steve Wife-beater missing his patented beer-grab. Gotta love it.


No, they're not my files in any way. They're this year's Brock Misses Shooting Star Press, though, I'll tell ya that much.

Sunday, March 14, 2004


Nice to see that people are voting on the content I uploaded to ZeD. Also nice to see that that I've got one vote for two of the five things I've uploaded and received a 2/5 for my work. I'm not that worried; I'm aware most of my content is crap from three years ago. I mean, I inflicted Gonter Who on those guys, fer chrissake. Noise music and shitty parodies are not things that easily appeal to most people.

Also, I should do another newsletter today or tomorrow. Man, either I need to broaden my horizons or I've gotta start dropping acid, become even more of a dirty hippie than I am now. I work too hard for this shit.

Saturday, March 13, 2004


Gosh, I submit my blog to Technorati, somebody from Quebec finds it looking for references to weedshare.com...man, what are the ODDS?!

By the way, if you people think my talking about Weed is some sort of bitter smear campaign on my part against Shared Media Licensing check this page out. This is brilliant marketing, isn't it? No wonder I find this company reputable.

Thursday, March 11, 2004


As you may have noticed, I'm writing to a lot of more commercial labels/'zines and trying to bring UR into the public consciousness. Personally, there needs to be some sort of an alternative in the 'zine world to the redundancy that I'm seeing in it. I complained about this in UR article 12, and to be quite perfectly honest I mean it now.

I've been in the music scene enough to know how crossover 'zines like mine (and I've always done a crossover 'zine, I admit it) fare. Having used many names/formats before I found one I could live with (not to say I'm a poser, 'cause anyone who knows me well enough knows this is not the case - I was seventeen when I started doing a webzine, chalk it up to youthful stupidity) I feel there needs to be something out there that breaks true, actual borders. There's so much stupid stereotyping in most music scenes, and I can't be arsed to look at music labels/scenes the same way I did five years ago. Some labels, scenesters, what have you care about the music, others push an agenda and still others worry only about the almighty commercial gain. Anyone who doesn't think there's a hierarchy in the music business is either being led or else impossibly stupid.

I want to be one who legitimately cares about what he's doing and what he's pushing when he's pushing a certain music. I do things different by design. I want to possibly raise the profile of the metal genre and other genres I review, or at least force other music reviewers to become detached from the surface subject matter and look deeper into the music, look at it from a more aesthetic perspective. I admit the genre I appeal to the most (death metal/grindcore) is rather reactionary and/or concerned about base negative pleasures a lot of the time but the genre's only thirty years old. Personally, I do UR to piss people and/or reactionary scenesters off. I've had a host of legitimate health problems over the past three years (I'll mail you copies of proof if you don't believe me) and over the years I've become set in my ways and so ultra-cynical I have to look within myself to remember why I do this since 85% of the time I don't enjoy doing UR that much. I've gone through thick and thin (mostly thin) over five years, and I really want to do something that matters, something that actively promotes a music scene without the stupid aboveground preening of the glossies and the fanboyish tendencies and reactionary stupidity of the average fanzine. I don't want to change the genres I have an interest in, mind you. I just want to push people's heads into the water and see the fish for what they are. So what if one band looks smarter than the other just because one writes gore lyrics and the other about babies. It doesn't mean shit to me. I tend to want to promote the band that I think deserves it. Lyrics are so unimportant in music it's so bloody scary to me. Sure this is a faulty stance at best. What the hell isn't a faulty stance in 'zine writing.

I realise I'm a faggy artist type, a discovery I recently made. Personally, I've debated closing up shop on UR like I did with Unbulova Ripoff two years ago. I might do a comic, I might make UR a print 'zine, I might go into poetry. Depends on money issues and health, mind you. Through trial and error I've realised how to promote myself (to a point) and the agenda of UR from this point forward is to push bands, labels etc. that truly want to further the music genres they're in. Possibly I'm talking out my ass. I don't know. Personally, I'm amazed I'm at this point that I've been active in the music business for more than five years and I want to take UR to the most postmodernist level it can possibly go. I want to poke the aura of pretentiousness and bring things down to Earth. Just because I listen to one sort of music doesn't mean I can't promote others. Personally, UR will reflect my tastes and ethical dealings within the music business and hopefully will reflect true musical artistry and art on its own level, on its own terms. On the side of art vs. business, I take art, but since music is a business I have to respect that as well.

I'm ripping off Metal Rules!, yes. Expect an interview with Devon Storm in the coming weeks.


One of the many characters in my new series Baby Teabag.

Details to follow.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004


Neuron Nest - Midwife for Black Nights
R W Able - Morpheme
Recant - Subject to Affliction

Updated as events warrant.

I know, I'm bad for soliciting promos, right? Some of you are thinking that, to which I say "I'VE PAID HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS THIS YEAR ON UR, DOUCHEBAG!" Dipwads.

Also, here is my content page on ZeD. Listen to my shitty noise music MP3's, you love 'em.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004


Horrorview.com: The Shit List

I like the Ted Bundy review. "Note to self: Serial killers masturbating in the bushes creates laughter, not any emotion you'd conceivably want in a straight horror film."

I didn't think Ghost in the Machine was that bad. Mind you, it wasn't good, but still.


Crap on a stick that's astounding. I've never before received 77 unique visitors in my life. I'd like to thank PoE News and Hellride Music for including me in their advertising plans. I really appreciate it.

I don't think I won the ZeD Contest, by the way. Granted, CBC took two hours to respond to a request I made so I haven't lost all hope yet.

The new era of Unbelievably Retarded begins tomorrow.

Monday, March 08, 2004


As of 11:50 AM today:
Unique Visitors 1252 - 84.13%

Today I've already broken my high of 19 unique visitors. Wait until tomorrow to find out the final tally for 2003-04.

ZeD hasn't called yet. I'm an impatient bastard, I admit. I thought I didn't win earlier, then stupidly remembered the show broadcasts from Vancouver. Duh, me idiot. Stay tuned.


Just beginning to submit my blog links (the RSS feed and the site you're looking at now) to a bunch of search engines just to get a little publicity for this new blog. If you think this is part of the plan to get a few Weedshare users angry, you're right. Somebody out there needs to counteract the naïveté of the Weedshare "grass"-roots movement. I hate carrying the flag for the whole freakin' anti-movement but it looks like I'm going to have to alone as per usual.

Oh, ZeD contest draw tomorrow. I can't wait.

Here's a banner just to make yer Weed-lovin' asses bitter:

Yes, I'm pushing this to the absolute limit. Somehow, I feel I have to.

Sunday, March 07, 2004


eXTReMe Tracking - Art and Culture - Music

How the hell am I second in a search for "this baby is retarded?" What the fucking hell?!

Oh, and Hellride Music got my business for the second of two banner advertising campaigns I'm doing. I'll do an article on banner ads soon. I just can't wait for PoE News to add me, considering Chet should have done that now. That man...

EDIT: There are now also links from The Evolution Control Committee messageboard and dmoz.org. Man, eventful day (yawn)

Saturday, March 06, 2004


Still waiting for the fucking PoE News banner to be put up. $13 well spent, I assure you.

Anyway, for some strange reason I've lately been going to the A.N.U.S. website. I still can't shake the feeling that the site's not half-joke. I haven't visited the site in a long while and they're still going with Prozak's personal philosophy (it being a cobbled mishmash of Buddhism, Nietzsche, Green Party worship based in part on romantic naturalism, etc.) and the heavy amount of Judeo-Christian debunking that's become part and parcel of A.N.U.S. He's a strange man. He contributes heavily to "non-metal" platforms and artistic-type publications. To be honest, I hate the man less than I did in 2002 and I might redo the Black Metal article since my mindset now is different than two years ago. To be honest, though, he seems like an artist-type and the site combines some valid viewpoints with massive generalisations (the "Jew-controlled" media comes up often, for example, like media conglomerates have any motive other than the acquisition of material wealth and the singular capitalist motive of exploiting the widest cross-section of people possible) and contrarian opinions (e.g. black metal supposedly is based on the idea that people are nothing more than people on the face of it, yet most "true" black metal is elitist and a hierarchy exists where only the "strong" will survive and hedonism will be practiced - you can't strip away and indulge in excess at the same time, Prozak, which is it?) I still can't accept the philosophy he preaches, because music is such an areligous function that people who see something in the music take what they can from it and based on life experiences and opinions of the world colour their opinion of the music to their own personal philosophies. I still can't see most black metal as anything other than simplistic music, either with an overusage of anti-Christian imagery to shock/use as metaphor for another belief or the use of romantic naturalism when nature is in itself a clinical, amoral beast. Then again, that's my philosophy. I'm obviously a Jew.

By the way, I stayed up till 5:45 and am entered in the Zed contest (through phone, at least). That laptop is mine. I really need to upgrade my three-year-old crash-box.

Man, two days with a blog and I'm already a fag. Dammit. Next I'll be posting Quizilla quizzes. I hate myself sometimes.


For some ungodly reason I'm watching ZeD and there's the CBC again promoting FUBAR indirectly. There was a time when I sort of accepted the film but to be honest FUBAR seems to be in line with this stupid aesthetic that I can't for the life of me understand. You probably know where I'm going here, that whole "metal fans drink beer and are vapid uneducated idiots" aesthetic. Granted, CBC promotes their usual "proactive" propagandistic bullshit all the time but it'd be nice if the guys who work there could try to get beyond the usual "experimental"/trend-oriented bullshit and come out with something truly democratic and free-form.

Man, when did this network become NPR Canada? At least they're giving away free crap tonight. Fuck I can't sleep tonight.

Friday, March 05, 2004


Anyway, I've been looking around advertising UR on some metal and non-metal sites. No doubt the UR banner will appear on PoE News today; it's just that $150-$250 dollars for a permanent banner ad for a month? I don't have that much money to piss about with. If I did, I wouldn't do a low-level webzine.

Anyone know of decent ad rates on any metal sites? Into Obscurity and Hellride Music are the front-runners, but it all depends on the money and shite like that. I should really allow banner advertising, be a BIG commercial whore.

I swear I am a huge art-fag.