REVIEW FOR JANUARY 12, 2004

VARIOUS ARTISTS
2 TURDS AND A GOLF BALL
HOLLOW BUNNY RECORDS, 2002
 
It's almost stupidity to actually review this album as if it's some serious-minded compilation.  Basically, this compilation revolves around twenty-two bands releasing their takes on the phrase "2 Turds and a Golf Ball."  Technically, there are twenty-five bands on 2 Turds and a Golf Ball but since Big Poo Generator, The Cowbots, The Gland Puppies and Hemorrhoy Rogers are the exact same band with four different names and the same pitch-shifted vocal schtick I'm saying twenty-two, okay?  This is not high-minded art we're in the midst of.  When Anal Cunt and Dahmer - I mean, Dahmer, who are only semi-known to the Canadian grindcore scene for crap's sake - are the biggest names on the comp it's time to just abort the project, destroy the .wav files and pretend you didn't waste time on this shit.
 
Seriously, this is an entertaining compilation aside from the fact that most of the bands are these jocular lo-fi outside-artist types like Sockeye, Colon on the Cob and Dingus.  There's no lack of variety on this compilation, though, so it's easy to ignore the crap and just pick out the nuggets.  For bowel-busting grindcore, there's Anal Cunt and Dahmer.  For rectum-rending rock, there's Grand Pricks, The Human Flys and one7nine5six.  Hick-types will enjoy the lo-fi country stylings of Pine State.  Hell, if you like unnecessary eight-minute "songs" featuring lengthy answering machine messages you'll shit your pants over Poopy (yes, the band's name is Poopy.)  Yes, this compilation will catch you in the act of reciting shitty defecation puns to yourself.  It's just that sphincter.
 
If this kind of aural masturbation kicks your schtick you can buy 2 Turds and a Golf Ball for US$8.00.  There are "only" 1050 presses of this thing, so get yours before all the Anal Cunt fans realise how valuable this album may be someday and buy it out of greed.  Granted, most of the albums will end up in the clearance bin at the used CD store anyway so support the label while you still have the chance.  THEY MAY NOT BE HERE TOMORROW! wooooeeeeooee
 
HOLLOW BUNNY RECORDS
PO Box 33264
Raleigh, NC 27636
USA
http://www.hollowbunny.com/
[email protected]