REVIEW FOR DECEMBER 21, 2004

IRON BITCHFACE
FUCK YOUR MOTHER'S ARM/TROLL PORN ROCK
"SLUT FACTORY RECORDS", 2003
3 OUT OF 5 (BOTH)
SUMMARY | SHITTY GRIND...AND THIS BAND'S NOT WORRIED IF IT IS
 
When it comes to obscure bands, sometimes one just can't find album covers for certain albums.  I couldn't find a single album cover for Troll Porn Rock so you get a Photoshopped picture of a baby's bum.  It's not professional of me, I shouldn't even be reviewing bands like this and this is another setback in my demented quest to become one of those furshlugginer "professionals," but...screw it.  Being in the entertainment business, one tends to lose one's mind after a wheeze and I don't know where the hell mine is.  For some reason I tend to talk about baby hinds more than is necessary or sane for me.
 
Anyway, Iron Bitchface plays pretty much what one would expect from the cover: horrid, jokey grind.  Hell, this band rarely plays songs that are over thirty seconds long so one is bound to be familiar with the band's sound: one short blast of lazily-played, aimless noise.  Still, this band at least does something new with the bad grind instead of just ripping off Seth Putnam's template or going all Fetus Eaters on listeners.  The sense of humour here is pretty original, with titles like "escape from the old age home (sucking the key)" and "i want to make really noisy songs but i can't because my parents are always home."  To wit, it's the Emo Philips to the George Carlin of grindcore.  While the George Carlin-esque grindcore bands are there to shock listeners with THE TRUTH! (or, as Sam Kinison says, "THE TRUTH!!!!! OWOWOWWWWWW!!!"...well, he wouldn't now, the man's DEAD after all) the Iron Bitchface model takes Philips's approach of coming to a familiar punchline and going really off-kilter with it.  Essentially, you've heard Iron Bitchface before but the sense of humour DARES you to like this band.  This band knows they're playing bad grind on purpose, essentially.  The band's modus operandi is simple, and it works.
 
I know bands like this have a built-in obsolescence of about seven seconds, by the way.  Sites like mine should, too, but I honestly think bands like this remind people of why they get into grind in the first place.  Now that I'm entering the arcane world of "professional reviewing" where I have to poop out a 250-word review every so often, I hope I never forget that at one time I used to do what Iron Bitchface still does.  In this overly-serious world of grindcore, Iron Bitchface is the enema.  Watch Kyle Martin get a song out of this.
 
IRON BITCHFACE
Kyle Martin
11 Spring Hill Place
Kitchener, ON N2E 2T2
CANADA
http://www.ironbitchface.com/
[email protected]