URMN BEST-OF MUSIC+ COMPENDIUM FOR DECEMBER 29, 2004: ANGERING THE BUM GOD

All-Baseball.com/Will Carroll Presents... | There's something about this list (about television this time) that makes up for WCP's rather redundant foray into music journalism. That thing, by the way, is the inclusion of shows like Cheap Seats and My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss in a top-ten list. I wish that kind of decision-making was applied to WCP's music article, 'cause mainstream music (and much of the "underground" music scene, to be honest) doesn't seem to embrace dark horses anymore. At least television still has those under-the-radar phenomena that become popular and/or embraced because people like what they're watching as opposed to the mix of hype and personal tastes that wafts around popular music like like a fog.
By the way, Curb Your Enthusiasm and Arrested Development are two of the most overrated shows I've seen this year. I don't understand why people are so gaga over the shows as if they could save situation comedy from itself just by being funnier than Everybody Loves Raymond. Also, Eco-pons.
Florida Sun-Sentinel | Just like a woman to recommend emotional dramas and romantic comedies. I'm not sexist, by the way, for those ready to whip out the Oxygen Card at me. Still, this woman seems to be an apologist for romantic comedies that do poorly at the box office, as if critical adoration is supposed to translate into commercial box-office success just like that. Uh, sometimes the audience isn't wrong, you know. I can't stand people who tell me what I should like anyway.
BallerStatus.net | I can't get past the fact that somebody thought BallerStatus was a great name for a website, or that it's Google-accredited as a news source. I don't care how good this article is, the site's called BallerStatus for shit's sake! Hell, the name's worse than Unbelievably Retarded! I should know as I am the king of bad names.
BBC News | Another article on how digital music players (specifically the iPod) are the epitome of "cool" these days. Look, I don't own a digital music player. They're still way too expensive and don't have the functionality to play any formats besides MP3, AAC and/or Windows Media Audio. Also, using the .wma format is just wrong considering that format's rather mediocre for music anyway. Let me know when there's a digital music player on the market that's less than $50 and plays Ogg Vorbis files, mmmkay?
Washington Post | This somehow escaped the Registration Gestapo of the Washington Post SS. The band being covered is Chromeo and the hipster-speak seems to genuflect toward these guys playing some sort of throwback dance music with weak guitar riffs and sub-G-Love-&-Special-Sauce "rapping." I don't understand why being so self-consciously dorky is considered a good thing in music these days, but then I'm the one considered to have terrible music tastes. Maybe it's me.
City Pulse (Michigan) | Local best-of music rundown from Lansing, Michigan (I assume.) The writing's full of that self-important wankery that befalls some music writers, but at least the paper's doing its part to promote its local music scene. Still, all that hyperbole - this is the sort of thing I'm supposed to be emulating? How the hell can people bullshit like this and still feel proud of their work? So much shilling, man, it hurts my brain a little bit.
Honolulu Star-Bulletin (Hawaii) | Hawaiian music top-ten from the Honolulu Star-Bulletin. Nice to see the Hawaiians appreciate their culture while not flowering up the music descriptions to the point of unreadability. Hawaiian music will never be my thing but at least someone's trying to spread knowledge of the local music culture there. The paper's like a no-bullshit version of City Pulse.
Box Office Prophets | Reviews of Three Punk DVD's, as the byline reads. Self-explanatory, yes, but you should care about this article as it's more punk than you are. OI! OI! OI!
Metro Santa Cruz (California) | It's nice to see someone include Metallica: Some Kind of Monster in a best-of, but is the reviewer including this because he sees metal musicians as dumbass macho mullet types until proven sensitive or is he looking at the film objectively? I haven't seen this film, but it seems to come up in best-ofs now and then and I'm curious to know if this is more than a music DVD gone "legit." Not that I like Metallica, of course.
New York Press | My favourite article of the year. It's about the College Music Awards, which sounds like one of the worst awards shows ever if J.R. Taylor's description of it is any indication. It's sponsored by the US Navy, which makes about as much sense as naming a serious urban music site BallerStatus. Incorrigible.
Phillippine Star | Usher's #1 on the Billboard charts, but this article at least runs down the top twenty albums and singles sold in North America during the December 2003-November 2004 time period. Unfortunately, I also get to look at Usher's abs. Yeah, it's his singing that sold 7.1 million copies, riiiight...
PopMatters Best-Of Lists Tim O'Neil Matt Cibula Stefan Braidwood | Top-ten/best-of lists/articles from PopMatters music critics, which are all entertaining despite the differing tastes and the feeling I get that Matt Cibula might be a bit of a dick. Still, the site doesn't make me want to eat half a human head Tora-style (I dare you to get that reference) like most of the other mainstream-oriented music sites I visit, and that's saying something.
Pulse of the Twin Cities (Minnesota) | The year in Twin Cities hip-hop. Apparently there's a hip-hop scene in Minneapolis/St. Paul, which isn't all that surprising considering hip-hop's mainstream popularity and positive-image spin. Now a death metal scene in Minneapolis, wouldn't that be something? If memory serves me correctly, AmRep noise rock was big there for a while. What's the big trend in Minnesota now, anyway? I'm hoping not a shitty one.
Pulse of the Twin Cities | A review of a bog-standard alt-rock CD. I've covered Tom Hallett's work before and I'm not exactly fond of the man's ranting-for-500-pages reviewing style. Still, at least the man's telling it like it is, which is what an arts reporter/columnist should do. Hallett needs to actually swallow his Xanax, though, 'cause his columns read like a fifteen-year-old who has just discovered meth.
Newark Star Ledger (New Jersey) | The usual fawning-over-critically-acclaimed-albums top-ten dross with the world's most fawning headline. Wow, rock still has edge? Next you're going to tell me grass is green. You're crazy, man.
The Scotsman | Worst scenes in Scottish film, huh? Okay article, I guess, but considering Mrs. Doubtfire is on the list I can hardly call the article great. When these newspapers do a best/worst-of, they usually come up with a few choices that make absolutely no sense. I wouldn't even call Mrs. Doubtfire Scottish just because Robin Williams is using Generic English Accent #4 throughout the film. I mean, The Scotsman's got a Haggis Hunt contest going on and there's a platypus as a mascot! Who's less Scottish now, ya punters?!
Seattle Weekly | Mix-tape article covering the "best" of the Seattle music scene in 2004. No points for guessing that the paper works in a reference to Modest Mouse, but it's all indie-oriented and this article probably won't appeal to non-Seattle music fans anyway. Still, Sub Pop's absent from this list and that ain't not bad.
Stuff.co.nz (New Zealand) | Jane Bowron's article devolves into a bunch of personal best-ofs five seconds in, but that's okay. I like anecdotes about television and these are great, especially the one about fifteen drunken Santas punching motorists in the face. It's stuff you can't make up in a million years.
Can somebody make a .wmv file of this incident? I'm being totally serious here, I want to see this.
The Trades (Oregon) | Best/worst-of article from what I assume is an Oregon trade magazine. The best-ofs are lame, but the worst-ofs are worth a read. I know, my negativity again. Give me a break, I'm not going to kiss Green Day's ass just because critics like American Idiot. You know me better than that.
Village Voice "We'll Always Have Paris" Michael Atkinson's Top 10 List | I know I'm just glossing over The Village Voice's output. I just don't like the paper's style of criticism, rife as it is with American "indie" love and that unwritten law that if a film isn't meant for the well-meaning arthouse crowd, it ain't worth shit in a handbasket. Really, I've seen these types of film wonks in person. They're generally (keep in mind this is a generalization) dead between the eyes and/or trying to fit in with the "in" crowd.
Richard Linklater's a god now, by the way. You should know that, peon.
Up & Coming Magazine (North Carolina) | Top five DVD list. No surprise that Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King grabs top spot, even though four DVD's of Peter Jackson worship does seem kind of excessive. People like excess these days for some reason. I blame greed.
Warwick Beacon (Rhode Island) | Strictly middle-of-the-road best-of list from a Rhode Island newspaper. Nothing exciting to report, I'm afraid.
Detroit News | Standard date-by-date rundown of pop cultural news happenings during 2004, but whenever I see that headline I'm always thinking of some terrible CBS soap-opera commercial where some voiceover guy is whispering "[INSERT CRAPPY SOAP HERE] is turning up the HEAT" while shirtless himbos kissing aged bimbos appear on screen in soft-focus lighting. That isn't good when I liken a newspaper article to a soap-opera commercial. Man, headline writers must be too bored to work for their jobs these days, eh?